Vis à vis
by whosurdaddy
Summary: Ness was 16 when she got pregnant. She didn't want to be a parent, Jacob did. Jacob's been raising his son while Ness was living her life. When Charlie gets hurt, she's forced to come back to Forks, And must now face her former love and son. AU/AH
1. a Hangover to Remember

**Vis-à-vis**** is French for Face to Face. I chose that title because Nessie has to come face to face or face her problems in Forks. **

**And for the first time in her life she's forced to grow up.**

**I hope you like it. **

**But, it will get better as time goes on.**

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**(Renesmee)**

"Ugh, fuck" I mutter quietly. My head throbbed. I could literally hear my head pounding. The stupid ass sun was in my eyes as well, which didn't help. I felt like I was going to burn to death. I'd rather burn to death.

I hated mornings. I hated the sun. Everyone liked the sun, but I fucking hated it. The shit was the color of alcohol induced vomit. I would know.

And yet everyone ranted and raved about it. Seriously? What the hell is it even good for? Ok other than the fact that it keeps the world and it people from freezing. And other than the fact that we can't see real good without it. What else is there?

Okay, I was being stupid. What else is new?

I was just pissed because I woke up with the worst hangover in the history of hangovers.

When I was finally ready to open my eyes and adjust to my surroundings. I saw that I was naked. Next to my boyfriend Nahuel, who was also naked. And on the other side of me was my best girl friend Kate, who was naked too.

Oh that's right, there was a party last night. My twenty-first birthday party. It was a kick ass party. Seriously one of the best, and I've been to so many.

For reals. We had it at the hottest club in NYC. Then we took the party back to my apartment.

I had a list of 21 things I wanted to do before I was twenty-one. The last thing to do was a "menage a trois" I decided to change the rules a little and have a foursome. But Kate's boyfriend Garrett, was sick. So "menage a trois" it was... And boy was it fun. We technically did it after I was twenty-one. But I never was one to stick with the rules, so it counted in my book.

"Mmmm Babe" Nahuel mumbled bringing me closer to him while nuzzling my neck.

"UGH, I'm gonna hurl!" Kate says in my ear. I hear her run to the bathroom. Then I hear a bunch of gagging and sloshing noises. I almost laugh to myself because she sounds like Chunk in "The Goonies" when he's explaining what he did to the people in the audience.

Kate was a hell of a lot of fun. But the girl could not hold her liquor. It was sad but so true.

After I ponder that thought, I realize I half to pee. So I get up dizzily with my arms out on both sides, as if the air will steady me. And I walk my naked ass over to the Bathroom, where Kate's shitfaced self is spewing.

Kate's naked form is kneeling on the floor with her face on the toilet seat with her eyes closed. I look in the toilet and sure enough. Alcohol induced vomit orange-yellow, same as the sun. There was a reason I didn't drink Sunkist or Sunny Delight. Let's just say I rather not taste the flavor of the sun. Ew...

I moved Kate's face on the cold bathroom floor. I don't think she'd noticed because she passed out again. I flushed the sun and pissed.

"_Do you wanna touch? _

_Yeah! Do you wanna touch? _

_Yeah! Do you wanna touch me there? _

_Where?"_

My cell phone went off with my Joan Jett ring-tone.

I washed my hands and splashed my face with cold water. I tried to get over by my phone with out stumbling. It was difficult and I felt nauseous but I managed. My ring-tone kept playing. I looked at my caller ID.

Mom calling... Is what it read. Shit, I hated it when she called. She was always so judgmental. I preferred to talk to dad.

Praying I answered "Mom, hi" I said awkwardly.

I heard a wet chocking noise and then some sobbing. "Renesmee, theere wwass an accident." She was sobbing so hard she was slurring. I could barley understand her.

"What happened?" She was seriously worrying me. Well as much as I could worry in my hungover state.

"Charlie. Your grandfather. He got hurt. He, was shot." My mother cried as hard.

I felt dizzy or woozy, over all nauseous. I was going to be sick. My Gramps, my sweet Charlie was gone. Wait she didn't say he died, did she? Ugh, I really need to stop drinking so much. Then again I'm sure the "pot" didn't help either.

"He's not dead, is he?" The words came out slurred as I fought to keep my liquid meal in my stomach. I prayed to whatever was out there, hoping it wasn't true.

"No, no, but he's hurt real bad." She started sobbing again. I was so glad Charlie was okay. Maybe I'd send him some flowers or a card or something.

"Nessie" Oh how I loathed that name. That was "His" name for me. I don't know what the hell she was doing using it.

"Nessie, Charlie needs someone to take care of him. While he's hurt." There she goes using the same name again. I didn't understand where she was going with this. I lived in New York, while she on the other hand lived in Seattle. Which was closer to Charlie than I was. Surely she didn't expect me to take care of him.

"Yeah, and?" I asked without remorse.

"Renesmee, you know your father has that malpractice suit against him." Oh yeah, some rich dude had a heart attack and dad saved him. However the dude signed a "DNR" and now he's a vegetable. And his wife who probably wants all the dude money can't have it cause he's still alive. So now the bitch is suing. This all sounded more like "Seattle Grace Hospital" instead of "Grace Hospital in Seattle".

I don't know why dad had to be so compassionate, just like Grandpa Carlisle. If someone wants to die, let them. It's inhumane not to do so really.

"Renesmee, that man was very wealthy and had many connections. You know we have to appear at the hearing in New York in a week." Oh right they were coming to NYC. Because the dude and his gold-digging whore of a wife were from there. Crap I hope their too busy to visit.

"Why can't Sue take care of her own husband?" I asked. Didn't the vows go '"In sickness and in health?"'

"She is a sixty something year old woman. Her all by herself talking care of Charlie is dangerous and cruel. Sue has health problems too Nessie." She admonished me. I hated it when mom got all preachy on me, it was such a buzz kill. She was seriously ruining my high. I found myself missing my hangover, that she also killed.

"So you want me to do it?" I asked. I couldn't believe that this was how she wanted it. Sue had kids too, Seth and that bitch Leah. Surly one of them could do it since I know they both have no life. Anyone who stays in Fork has no life.

"Well who else do you expect me to ask? Leah who has an autistic daughter, and is still having a hard time with her divorce. Seth, who's just now having a life of his own? Billy, who may I remind you is cripple? Or Jacob, whom most of your responsibilities go to?" She asked

I cringed at the last sentence. That was just low. She would never let that go would she? I was just a child, surly she couldn't expect me to take care of one when I still was one. That's the main reason I hated talking to her, she'd never forgive me for that. Dad did more than just forgive "There's noting to forgive" is what he'd say. He understood and supported me the whole way. Why couldn't she?

"And what do you expect me to do about school? Juilliard won't wait for me, if that's what you think. I may be at the top of my class, but that won't matter once I'm gone. That school means everything to me. It always has. It's always been my dream. How dare you try to take that away from me." I told her seriously.

"I understand Renesmee. But if you think for one moment that if Charlie dies you won't feel horrible. You wrong, because you will. If you think that your career or education is more important than family. Your wrong. I know you already have a list of regrets, don't add to that list." She insisted

She was right about one thing. If I lost Charlie, I would feel immensely guilty. So I would do it. I would move to Forks and take care of Charlie. I was sick and tired of my mother thinking I'm a horrible and useless person. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't. I wanted to prove that she was wrong. And that I was right for the decision I made. I just wanted her to love and accept me like Dad did. He at least sent me a birthday card with two grand in it, yesterday. That was at least more than what she did.

"I'll take care of Charlie." I said solemnly.

"Thank you Renesmee." She won, just like she usually did.

I would ask Juilliard to wait for me. Even though I didn't think they would. I would leave my best friend Kate. And my boyfriend Nahuel. It would be hard, but I needed to prove I was an adult. I only had two concerns, other than that I was golden.

"And, mom?"

"Yes?" she asked

"I don't have **ANY**regrets." It needed to be said, because I didn't.

"We'll see..." and with that she hung up.

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	2. She Brought Happiness and Pain

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**(Jacob)**

"Your not going to win. So you should really just give up now." I had to tell it to him like it is. He wasn't going to win. The little dude just need to accept that. I was not being mean or unfair. All kids need to learn not to be sore losers. I guess today was just his day.

"Nuh uh, your not gonna win. I am." He said it with such confidence. It was so sad, because he was going down.

"Yuh huh, I'm so kicking your butt right now." It was true my car was in 1st place. His was in 5th, and the 3rd lap was almost done. There was no way he'd catch up to me.

"'Ding dong'" The doorbell rang

"Hey pause the game, would ya?" I expected him to do it. But the little stinker goes and keeps playing. He passes all the other players and steals 1st place at the finish line. While my unmoving cart gets 12th also know as dead last. The score board comes up and they play the "Mario Karts" theme song. And I see Diddy Kong 1st – Donkey Kong 12th.

"You little stinker!" I say as I tackle him and start my attack of the tickles. He giggles.

"Daddy, stop." he says in between my tickles.

"Never!" I exclaim in a fake bad guy voice.

"'Ding dong'" The doorbell rings again. I stop tickling him. He smiles.

"Ha ha, now you have to stop tickling me. Cause you gotta go get the door." He mocks in a sing-song voice.

I get off him and go to answer the door. "Fine, but I'll get you later." I warn. He screeches and runs off to hide.

I open the door and see Bella standing there. She came over every so often just to see how we were doing. She tried to limit the time she came over, at my request.

It was just to hard to see her. She was just another reminder of "Her". And I already had enough of a reminder every time I looked into Jesse's chocolate brown eyes. Those eyes might have belonged to Charlie and Bella first, But to me they were always "Her's".

"Bella, what are you doing here?" I tried to sound polite, but it probably came out rudely.

"I stopped by to talk to you a bit. I hope that's okay." she explained looking apologetic.

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"BELLA!" Jesse shouted and ran to her. She picked him up and held him in her arms. He called her 'Bella' because I didn't want him calling her grandma. Then I'd have to get into the whole mother thing. And I didn't want to, I knew I'd have to eventually but not now.

Jesse wasn't stupid. He knew he didn't have a mom, but I didn't have the heart to tell him why. I would never hurt my son like that.

I knew he felt the pain though. He was in preschool, so he saw all of his other friends get picked up by their mommies. And all he had was me.

I tried to do anything a mom would. I hugged and kissed him all the time, and I always told him I loved him. But somehow it still wasn't enough. I knew that, because I grew up without my mom. So I knew everything his little heart yearned for. Sometimes I thought of just marrying some chick so he'd have a mom. But I knew I couldn't do that. I'd be a horrible husband to her on account of my still being in love with someone else. Guess I was a lot like my father in that way, he could never marry anyone else either.

"Jesse, wow your getting so big. Almost too heavy to carry." She was joking. Jess was small, petite. He was premature at birth. But he's a little fighter. He'd get through anything.

"Daddy says, one day I'll be big and strong just like him." He said proudly. Bella smiled at me.

"Oh, I'm sure you will be." she reassured him

" I actually came over to talk to your Dad though." she said looking at Jesse them to me.

"Alright buddy, how about you go play in your room a little while so I can talk to Bella?"

"Ok daddy. Buh- bye Bella." He said giving her a little wave.

"Bye sweetheart." she waved back.

"So... What's this about?" I asked

"Well, more or less, it's about Renesmee." My heart stopped for a moment. If there was one person I never talked about it was Ness. If there was one person I never talked about with Bella, it was Ness. Why was she being brought up now?

"How, so?"

"Well you saw Charlie yesterday." Charlie looked horrible, all bruised. He took a couple bullets to the back. It was amazing, the guy didn't get shot in his spinal cord. Charlie was a lucky man, he could hardly move but it was still better than not moving.

I went by myself to the hospital during Jesse's preschool hours. I didn't want Jess to have to see him like that. So Billy and I were the only ones who went.

"Yeah I saw Charlie." I sighed "Bella can you just spit what ever your trying to say out?" It was pissing me off that she kept beating around the bush. Get to the fucking point, woman!

"Renesmee, is going to take care of Charlie." My world came crashing down.

"Of course. She comes back for Charlie. Not me or Jesse? But Charlie." I muttered. I was more than pissed I was fucking furious. This whole time I tried to tell myself it was Forks she hatted not me or Jesse. But obviously I was wrong.

It makes me sad to know that I fell in love with someone so selfish. Sad, because I'm still in love with someone who's so selfish. And I don't think my love for her will change. Just like I don't think she'll ever change either.

"Jacob, stop torturing yourself. It's not your fault or Jesse's. None of you could have changed her mind, once it was made. She's too stubborn for that. Jacob, your a great father and Renesmee, well she's a great pianist. Clearly both of you were going into different directions. And that's not your fault, it's fate's, if you believe." Bella was definitely a weird one. I think she tried to believe in fate so that one day her daughter would make sense to her. But really who knows.

"She better not hurt my son." I say. Because if Ness does any emotional damage to him. God, I don't know what I'll do.

"If I know my daughter like I think I do, she'll avoid both of you as much as possible." Bella said sadly. Great she was just going to ignore us, pretend like we don't exist. Pretend like we were never in love. Pretend that Jess wasn't her son. Basicly just like usual, except she would be around us this time.

One day I'll have to tell him about the birds and the bees. Which will then lead him to ask who made him. And that conversation will devastate me as well as him.

"Okay." I said so Bella will leave. She takes the hint and hugs me then goes.

I sit on the couch with my face in my hands.

How could the girl who brought me so much happiness bring me so much pain? I'll never know.

I remember when she told me about the pregnancy. It was the same day she broke up with me.

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_**(Flashback)**_

_It was September of 2006. _

_I was nineteen. I was a mechanic who hoped to one day own his own garage. Except it would be a specialty garage dealing with only vintage cars. _

_I had the most beautiful girlfriend in the world. My sweet Nessie, she was sixteen and I loved her with all my heart. Her dad hated me, but we didn't care because we loved each other._

_I was working on this classic 64' white mustang. I was under the car when I saw creamy white legs wearing black converse with a white dress. The same white legs that I loved and worshiped. I got out __from under the car._

_I went to give her a kiss, but she turned her head away from me. I thought it might be because I was covered in oil and grease. But I saw big fat tears in my girl's beautiful chocolate brown eyes. Why was she crying? If anyone did anything to her, I swear to god I'd kill them._

"_Sweetie, what's wrong?" I was worried for my baby girl._

"_Something bad happened..." she couldn't even look at me when she said it. _

"_What honey, what happened?" I asked desperately _

"_I I'm..."_

"_Whatever it is baby just say it." She could tell me anything, I would always love her._

"_Don't say that word!" she spat_

"_What? What word? Baby? What's wrong Nessie? Your scaring me."_

"_Jacob I'm pregnant."_

"_Oh..." I didn't know what to say. But I'd do anything for her. Was she worried I'd be upset, because I'm not. I love her. I wanted a family with her, maybe not now per say, but still._

_She looked at me and scowled._

"_I'm not keeping it Jacob." What?What was she going to do?_

"_What do you mean your not keeping it?" I asked_

"_Exactly what I said."_

"_But Nessie, we could be a family."_

"_I'm only sixteen. I can't have a baby. I'm in high school now. But soon I'll go to college, and not just any college, Juilliard. Do you know how long I've waited to go there? My whole life, I've dreamed of it. I'm not going to throw my life away for some baby. How is that fair?"_

"_Don't you love me at all anymore?" I asked not believing the words that just came out of her mouth _

"_Sometimes love, just isn't enough." she said simply_

"_Your not going to have an abortion are you?" I asked horrified. How could she do that to OUR baby?_

"_My dad suggested it. I'm thinking it over." Of course, this had Edward written all over it. He never liked me, so he wouldn't want me to have any ties to his daughter._

"_Nessie, please don't do this." I begged_

"_I told you I was just thinking about it."_

"_Well you can't do it." I said firmly_

"_This is my body and I'll do whatever I feel is right."_

"_I'm the father I must have some rights." I said hoping I could stop her from killing our baby. _

"_But you don't. Not while this thing is inside of me." she stated. 'Thing' that's what she thinks. Our baby is not a thing, it's a human life. A human life we created._

"_I can't believe this." I said, I felt numb._

"_I can't believe you want me to keep it just because we had sex." Sex? It wasn't just sex._

"_No. I want you to keep the baby. Our Baby, because we didn't just have sex. I love you, we made love, not sex. Every kiss, every touch, that was me loving you. That wasn't sex. Our love created that baby. So don't try to make this some cheap and dirty one night stand, because it's not. I never would have touched you if I didn't love you." I said sincerely._

_She was crying again, she nodded her head._

"_Goodbye Jacob." and she left._

_**(End of Flashback)**_

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I must have said something right because several months later my son was born.

I named him Jesse it was sorta a mixture of my name and Ness'. Stupid probably, but that's what he was, a mixture of us. Our creation whether Nessie wanted to accept it or not.

Every year I hoped and dreamed that she wake up and say she missed me. That she's say she wanted to be a part of our lives. But each year my dream grew dimmer and dimmer. Now I'm at the point where I know it won't happen. But I'm glad that I have my son.

I might have bitter feelings for that woman now, but I will always be grateful to her for giving birth to my son. She brought the most amazing little person into this world. He inspires me everyday and I wouldn't trade him for the world. If she didn't want to be apart of his life that was her loss. More than it was his.

"Daddy are you okay? Why are you crying?" I didn't even realize I was crying until he said something. But sure enough I felt water running down my face.

"Everything's okay. Daddy's fine Jesse." I tried to reassure him. I just held his four year old form in my arms. He kissed my cheek, I kissed his head.

Everything was okay. Or it would be. Jesse and I could get through anything together...

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	3. High Flight Attendant?

**I'm sick, that's why there's so many updates. **

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**(Renesmee)**

"Welcome to gray skies and the smell of fish." is what the flight attendant should have said. Instead she said some shit like "Welcome to beautiful Forks." Was that bitch high? Cause if she was, where can I get whatever she was smoking?

I got off the plane of the 'Forks Municipal Airport'.

"Have a nice stay in Forks!" The high flight attendant said.

"Yeah, right." I responded

I walked outside.

"Gee, guys thanks for the welcome home. I always know I can count on you." I muttered to the empty silver Volvo that was waiting for me.

There was a note on the Volvo it read, "Renesmee, darling we'll be at Charlie's. Love Dad."

"Love you too, dad." I whispered softly

I got in the car to drive to gramps.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I switched it to vibrate in New York.

It was Nahuel. I was so happy, I really needed to talk to someone like him right now.

"Hey babe." he said

"Oh hey, I'm so glad you called."

"So how's it going?"

"Ugh, I just got here and already I want to leave. Forks is like the hick town of Washington."

"Ouch, harsh words.."

"Yeah, well it's true. People who are born here rarely get out. At least this town has plenty of water access, so people are free to drown themselves. " I stated

"You say that but I'm sure you have some good memories of this place."

"Good memories?" I whispered as I thought about it.

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_**(Flashback)**_

_I was fifteen almost sixteen. Daddy promised when my birthday came he'd buy me a car. But for right now I had to use Daddies crappy Volvo. It was older than me but he said "I needed to learn the value of money." My dad just had an unhealthy obsession with Volvo's._

_Anyway while I was driving home from school one day, the piece of shit broke down on me. The car broke down close to La Push. So I walked to the Garage I knew was there. _

_I never really visited La Push. So I didn't know anyone there. We lived in Forks but it was closer to Port Angeles. _

_I finally walked to the garage. When I got inside I called for assistance. No one came._

"_Hello, is anyone there?" I called out._

"_Hi." I looked at the man who said it. His russet skin looked perfect with the white tank he was sporting. And those muscles, god I've never seen such a glorious body before. He had silky shaggy black hair, that played perfectly with his high cheekbones. _

"_Hello..." I said awkwardly. Desire wasn't something I was used to feeling. My parents were very old fashioned. They wanted me to say a virgin until I was married, I guess that wasn't in the cards for me. My mother was so embarrassed about sex that she could never talk to me about it. The first person who actually talked to me about sex was the first one I slept with. Maybe because I was so conservative when I was younger, now I'm anything but._

"_You need help with you car? Or do you just like standing there?" He said laughing_

"_As comfy as a spot this is, my car broke down." I said trying to sound like I at least had half a brain._

"_Then let's go." He smiled we went outside and it started pouring rain. That was Forks, always raining._

"_Oh shit, let's go back inside." We went to go back to the garage. He tried to open it but it was locked._

"_Oh my gosh, it's freezing. And we're stuck out here." I said_

"_We're gonna have to walk to your car." We started walking when he said "By the way I'm Jacob."_

"_Nice to meet you, I'm Renesmee" _

"_Long name. How about I just call you Nessie?" Nessie, his nickname for me from then on. We smiled at each other and somehow I knew then, that this wouldn't be the last time we'd see each other. I was attached to him from the first moment we met._

_**(End of Flashback)**_

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I had to cut my thoughts off right there. When I thought of Jacob it made me think of other things. And that was just a place I didn't want to go.

"So any good memories?" Nahuel's voice snapped me from my thoughts.

"Nahuel, I really should get going. I'm almost at my gramps place." Now that Jacob was in my head I wanted to stop talking to Nahuel. I didn't want both of them in my head at the same time. It felt wrong. Like Nahuel's image was contaminating Jacob's.

"Wait, I wanted to talk to you." He said in a rush

"About what?"

"Well, us."

"What do you mean when you say us?" I asked

"Well, Ren your going to be gone a long time and..."

"And what?"

"And I think maybe we should see other people."

"Your breaking up with me?" I couldn't believe my ears.

"Well, your going to be gone. And I have needs, Ren. You can't honestly expect me to wait for you." He stated

"I can't honestly expect my "BOYFRIEND" to stay faithful to me?" "Your fucking insane, Nahuel. Excuse me for thinking you'll stay faithful in my absence." I couldn't believe him right now.

"Oh please Ren, don't pull that boyfriend shit. You know very well, that what we had was not a relationship. People in relationships don't lie or keep secrets. At most we were just fuck buddies." I was utterly shocked, I knew it was true but still. Hearing it was another thing.

"Wow, I can't believe this." I breathed

"Bottom line Ren, I'm not Juilliard. I won't wait for you." And with that he hung up.

Juilliard did wait for me. Because I was too important for them to lose. But I wasn't important enough to Nahuel, because he wouldn't wait for me.

I don't know what was really sad, the fact that all of that was true? Or the fact that I didn't even care?

I pulled up at Charlie's. It looked the same, of course. Nothing really changes around here. Same white and brown house. And Charlie still parked on the grass.

I saw the door open.

"Oh Nessie, your here." Sue came running to me and gave me a hug.

"Hi Sue." I hugged her back. I always liked Sue and liked her son Seth too. It was just her daughter Leah that was a problem. Seth was only twenty-three but Leah was in her forties, around the same age as my mother. She was a bitch, but we can blame it on the age. Since her and mother had that in common.

"Nessie, you have no idea how much we missed you." Sue said. Sue was always sweet. Though I didn't consider her my grandmother. Renee and I were too much alike for that to happen.

"I missed you guys too." I lied, I was so going to hell.

"Hello sweetheart." my father said kissing my temple.

"Hi daddy." I hugged him. My mother was right next to him so I forced myself to say something to her. "Hi mom." It didn't flow as naturally as it did when I spoke to my father. Oh well, I tried.

"Your grandfather is inside." She replied curtly. See? Every time I try to say anything to that woman, that's how it goes.

If I was a mother... No I can't finish that thought. I'm not a mother. I'm just a portal, thru which someone was born. If I was a mother, I would have raised the little boy I gave birth to. But I didn't, therefore I'm not. I'm just an egg donor...

I used to think I would just become a mother later on in life. You know after I finish college and get married. But I've realized now that I can't do that. How can I look at my son or daughter and pretend that, that's my only child. That were the only ones in the family? How could I include one, how could I love one, and not the other? Simple, I couldn't. And I wouldn't. I may be a cold hearted bitch but I'm not a soulless monster.

I should try to get my tubes tied. Someone like me shouldn't procreate anyway.

I went inside the house. So I could see my gramps.

"Ness, where's my girl." Charlie voice sounded all scruffy and weak.

Then I looked at him. He was lying on the couch, he looked so horrible. I heard he got shot a couple days ago but I couldn't believe they released him from the hospital. His injuries must have been minor and were only more serious because of his age. He was bruised all over his face. I suppose he could have gotten that from falling after he got shot. The sight of him made me want to cry. In fact I think I did a little.

"Oh Ness, I know I look bad but you don't have to cry about it. My pretty face will be back in no time." Charlie, making jokes when I was so upset. That was just like him, trying to make me feel better. He was so unselfish, unlike me. That thought made me cry harder.

"Gramps, are you okay?" I chocked out through the tears.

"Sweetie, I'm fine. Us 'Swan's' have good blood you know. The real question is how's my favorite granddaughter?"

"I'm fine. I'm glad I'm here with you." That was true I loved my Gramps. And now that I saw how much he needed me, I was glad to be here to help him. He was such a sweet and honest man. I truly didn't deserve his company.

"Well I'm glad to be with you too." He smiled

"Renesmee" I heard my parents call.

"Renesmee we have to be at the airport soon, so we're going to leave now." My mother said

"Okay bye. Good luck at the trial dad." I was anxious for them to be gone. Any extended amount of time I spend with my mother is bad. I end up having to spend my weekly allowance on booze and therapy sessions.

They waved and left. So I went back over by Charlie and Sue.

"Look what that guy did to you. I'm gonna tell it to straight gramps. I think your getting to old to work." I joked

"And your the perfect age to start." Charlie said

"What?" I laughed. What was this a joke?

"What your grandfather means, is to ask you if you would consider working. Normally we would be able to support you but with all the medical bills we can't. So you'll have to support yourself financially. I hope that's okay." Sue said sympathetic.

And of course my parent wouldn't want to give me any money, they'll be to busy with the trial.

"Uh yeah. I've just never worked before. So I don't know how to find a job." It was embarrassing having to admit that my parents paid for my expensive way of life. I was twenty-one, most people my age at least have a part time job.

"Oh that's fine. I work at the community center in La Push, and I found you the perfect job." I hoped it wasn't manual labor because my hands we're only good for playing the piano. And they were freshly manicured.

"Great.." I said unenthusiastic. "What is it?"

"Your going to work at the preschool in La Push." Sue said all excited

"Yay" I said sarcasticly.

Fuck, this sucks.

Where is the high flight attendant when you need her?

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**Please review.**

**I think Jesse and Nessie will meet in the next chapter. As it will also be in Nessie's p.o.v.**


	4. Don't Talk to Strangers

**I just had to put this chapter up. **

**Hope you all keep liking this story.**

**I want to thank those who reviewed/alerted/favorited. **

**And note to those who read my other story Guardian, that I'm writing the next chapter so it will be up sometime next week.**

**Thanks again for the support guys.**

**And now on with the story...**

**

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**

_(Renesmee)_

I didn't know much about children. You know other than the basics. Don't get water on them. Don't put them in the sun. And don't feed them after midnight. Wait, was that children or gremlins? Is there really a difference?

I was terrible with children, which is why me working at a preschool is a really stupid idea.

Not to mention it was in La Push. I knew way to many people from there. And all those people are the ones I didn't want to see.

I wondered if Jacob lived in La Push still. It was probable, but my mother said that he worked in Port Angeles. Which was a least an hour and a half away from La Push. I'm sure he'd want to be close to his son. No one even mentioned him to me. And considering how close he was to my family excluding my dad, you'd think they would talk about him. But they didn't, which was weird. Let's just say he lives in Port Angeles, because I don't want to get crazy about it.

Anyway, people might not even recognize me. I haven't been in Forks for four plus years now. And last time I was here I was sixteen. So of course now I looked different.

I'm taller, my hair is straight. My hips are more rounded, and I grew boobs. I looked different, more mature. I looked like a woman, not a girl.

People didn't call me Nessie in New York either. They called me Ren or Cullen. But people around here people would know those names. I'd have to go by something no one ever called me. Like my middle name, Carlie. That was perfect, it sounded sweet and nice and nothing at all like me.

Hopefully nobody would recognize the girl that got knocked up at sixteen and then left her nineteen year old boyfriend to take care of her baby. That's all this town thought of me, I was either a whore or a bitch or both. A whore because I got pregnant so young. And a bitch because I left them both.

But the town didn't understand. I never intended to keep the baby and then I just flaked out. I new from the second I found out that I couldn't be his mom.

I had a dream. I've always had this dream. See before I even learned to talk or walk, I loved music. It was one thing my father and I had in common. My father loved playing the piano, and I loved listening to him. He was my first teacher, not my only teacher. When the student becomes the master, you need to be taught by someone else.

I was a fast learner, my father was so impressed he was so very proud.

I was a great student, I was at prodigy level. I got accepted into Juilliard at a young age. I was ten, they invited me to be taught in "The Pre-College Division". Which meant I would be able to start off my middle school years through high school. And then I could go straight to college. My father and I were ecstatic, my mother was not.

She said I should grow up like a normal child. She already hated the fact that we lived in a big city. My whipped father, moved us out of Seattle when I was fifteen. And moved us to Forks, so mom would be close to her father Charlie. I always resented her for that, she never cared about my dreams. Though I could understand why she didn't want me to go. She never even went to college, she married my dad and then had me. That was it. That was her whole life.

After I got pregnant my father begged me to abort the baby. But after talking with Jacob, I just couldn't. It didn't feel right. I loved Jacob, I could never hurt anything of his. Let alone his child.

But I couldn't keep the baby, either. Not if I was going to make my dreams come true.

Putting him up for a adoption seemed like the only choice. I found a nice family who couldn't have children. Their names were Emmett and Rosalie Hale-McCarty.

* * *

_**(Flashback)**_

"_Push, Renesmee, push..." My mother said_

"_I'M TRYING! UGH, IT HURTS!" I screamed at her_

"_I see the head. Keep pushing Renesmee, the baby's almost out." The doctor said to me. _

"_I can't do it anymore. I don't wanna do it anymore. Momma, please don't make me do it anymore." I was shaking my head back and forth sobbing. It hurt so bad. I felt like I was being ripped apart. I was never having sex again._

"_You have to baby. Your almost done, so just push." she said holding my hand._

_I pushed again. I was so close. I think the head was out. Now the shoulders needed to come out, cause apparently you can't pull a baby by the head. I was tired and I didn't have the energy to keep doing this._

"_AGH, JUST GET HIM THE HELL OUT OF ME!" I screamed at the doctor. _

_I pushed the most I could._

"_We got him. Congratulations you have a baby boy." the doctor said_

_The doctor was pulling the baby out of me. I could see the nurse wiping my blood off of him. She bundled him up in a blue blanket._

_He cut the umbilical cord, and then the afterbirth proceeded. _

_He kept screaming. And I felt like he was saying all the things I wanted to say._

"_Would mommy like to hold her son?" the nurse asked_

"_No." I stated firmly_

"_But..." She started to say, but I interrupted her._

"_NO. I'M NOT KEEPING HIM. SO NO, I DON'T WANT TO HOLD HIM OR LOOK AT HIM OR NAME HIM. OR WHATEVER THE HELL ELSE YOU WANT ME TO DO!" I screamed at her._

"_Oh, I'm sorry..." She apologized_

_I couldn't hold him, I couldn't look at him. Because if I did, I knew I'd be tempted to keep him, and I just couldn't do that. _

_He was going to have a family, who'd love him. Not stupid teenage parents. He was going to have better than that. Rosalie and Emmett were very sweet people. I knew they'd take good care of him._

"_I'll hold him." My mother said to the nurse. _

_She put the russet and blue bundle into my mothers small arms, while the doctor stitched me up._

"_Oh, hush up now, sweetie." my mother spoke to the bundle who was still screaming._

"_I'll just leave you alone with your family." The doctor said._

"_Rosalie and Emmett are on their way." My father said coming in the room._

"_Oh, your just too precious. Aren't you? Yes, yes you are." Mom continued to coo._

_I just gave birth to a baby I wasn't keeping and I needed my mom. But instead she was cooing over said baby. I rolled over on my side in the bed and started to sob silently. My father came over and held me in his arms. He stroked my hair while I cried._

"_Shhh sweetie, it's okay. Everything's going to be okay." he whispered_

"_Do you wanna hold the baby, Edward?" Mom asked_

"_No, Bella. I don't." Daddy replied _

_An hour later Rosalie and Emmett showed up. Rosalie took the bundle out of my mother's hands, I almost smiled at the expression on my mother's face._

"_Oh Renesmee, he's perfect! Thank you so much." Rosalie said, I saw tears of joy coming out of her eyes._

"_Yeah Ness, thanks." Emmett said._

_I hugged them both. It made me happy that I was able to do that for them. I was able to give them a child, when they couldn't have one themselves._

"_Sir you can't go in there." I heard someone say outside the door._

_I saw the doors open and there was Jacob._

"_You weren't even going to tell me that you were giving birth to my baby?" Jacob said looking at me with tears in his eyes._

"_Sir you can't be in here." One of the nurses said to Jacob_

"_I'm the father of the baby." Jacob growled at the nurse._

"_Should I call security?" the nurse asked looking at us._

_My mother shook her head no. I had the urge to nod yes, because I had a feeling this was going to turn real ugly real fast. The nurses nodded and left._

"_It's not your baby. It's not my baby. I'm not the mother, and your not the father. They are." I said to Jacob pointing at Rosalie and Emmett. He looked at them with such hateful eyes._

"_Nessie, you can't give up our baby. Especially to complete strangers."_

"_There not strangers." I insisted_

"_Nessie, we could be a family. We could get married and raise our baby. Please just give it a chance, honey you know how much I love you." he was on his knees begging._

"_No." I said simply. But inside I wanted to die. I was torn by two things I loved. My dream, and my Jacob._

"_I'm the father, I have rights." he stated walking away. Then he turned and said "One day Nessie, your going to regret this. And when you do, we won't be here." He said we, like he knew he was going to win custody of the baby._

_**(End of Flashback)**_

_**

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**_

And that was the last time I saw Jacob Black. A week after I gave birth, I got on a plane to New York and never looked back. I went and finished two years of the pre-college division in Juilliard. Then of course I went to the college.

Jacob ended up getting the baby. I guess the state of Washington thought the baby should be with his natural father. That's why I moved out of that fucking state.

Rosalie and Emmett were devastated. They ended up moving back to their home in Rochester, New York.

My parents eventually moved back to Seattle when my dad got a job offer. So my mom saw less of Jacob's son. My father told me my mother still visited them. That didn't surprise me. I heard she was quite fond of whatever the child's name is. I never found out his name. Never wanted to. The less we knew about each other, the better.

I wondered what Jacob told the kid. Did he say his mother didn't want him? Or did he just not talk about me at all? Or did he find some woman to be the kid's mom? I didn't know. But the last thought made my stomach sick.

So here I was driving to La Push ready for my first day, as a preschool teacher's helper. Whatever the hell that means. Thanks a lot Sue.

Unfortunately she wasn't here with me. She was about to take Charlie to the hospital for the first examination since the shooting.

I pulled up to the preschool. It was right in the middle of the forest. Ain't that a horror movie in the making? The building was small, I figured there was only one preschool class. It looked like a little brick house, except there was three big windows in the front. The windows were decorated in window paint. "La Push Preschool" was what it was called. Aren't they so utterly original?

The kids were already there. Fuck, I was late.

I knocked on the door. A pregnant woman with russet skin and long black hair answered.

"Hello, you must be the one Sue was talking about." she said

"Umm, yes."

"Sue really didn't tell me much about you other than your visiting. I'm afraid to say I forgot your name, these kids really keep me busy." She picked up one of the kids.

"You can call me Carlie."

"Well hi Carlie, I'm Claire." she smiled and shook my hand

"Hi." She seemed nice. Then again everyone did around here.

"So well just get started. Were going to be reading "Little Red Riding Hood". To the children, so if you could just sit in the back with the children while I read that would be great."

"Sure okay."

"Everybody, this is Miss Carlie. Say hi Miss Carlie." she introduced me to the class.

"HELLO, MISS CARLIE." The class said in unison. I waved at them.

I went to go sit in the back. There was this one kid all the way in the back. He moved up next to me, but still away from the others. He looked different from the other children. They all had russet skin and so did he but his was way lighter. He had dark brown hair that looked reddish in the sunlight that was shaped faux hawkish. He had big brown eyes with long eyelashes and high cheekbones. And you could tell he had dimples if he smiled, along with pouty lips.

The kid kept staring at me. It was unnerving to someone who wasn't a fan of kids.

"Um, hi.." I said trying to break the silence.

"Hi." he said smiling widely showing his dimples. This kid was really cute. I found myself smiling back.

"What's your name?" I asked

"I'm not supposed to talk to strangers." he stated smiling

"Me either. My rents don't like to let me off my leach." I joked

He laughed like he understood the joke.

"And I'm not a stranger, I'm Miss Carlie." I grimaced when I said Miss Carlie, it just sounded so lame.

"Yeah but, I still don't know you." he explained

"You have to get to know me before I can know your name?" That made no sense.

"Yup." he stuck his nose in the air and crossed his arms over his chest. But I could see him cracking a smile.

Claire started reading and since I didn't want to listen, I decide to play this kids' little game.

"Fine. What do you want to know?" I asked

"Are you married?"

"No."

"Do you have any kids?" Technically?

"No."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" What? Okay the first two question were somewhat normal but this one? Was sorta inappropriate.

"What kind of question is that?" I asked

"A question I need ta know." he said

"Why do you need to know?"

"Cuz..." he said thinking

"Cause why?" I asked staring his cute little face down.

"Cuz... ummm..." he looked cute thinking. He had his index finger tapping his chin.

"I'm waiting." I said to him

"Cuz, my dad needs a girlfriend..." He said looking at me shyly. Then he smiled sweetly. My eyes went wide. I was shocked.

"What? Does you dad tell you to day these things?" I was furious. What kind of father makes their kids say that for their own benefit? I mean that's just sick, really sick.

"No, no, he didn't. But I know he's lonely. And I just want daddy to be happy." Aw, this kid was sweet

"So you think I'd be a good match for your dad?" I asked laughing

"Only if you don't have a boyfriend." he smiled

"What's your name?" I asked checking to see if he'd tell me.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" he persisted

"Ugh, kid you're impossible."

"Now I know you and daddy would be good together. You sound just like him." he laughed

"Well it's true. Why don't you ask Miss Claire? Unless your dad doesn't like pregnant chicks." Claire seemed like she loved kids.

"Cuz, she's married to daddy's friend. So do you have a boyfriend or not?"

"No I don't, but your not setting me up with your dad. I don't date dads."

"What? Why not? You don't like kids?" he asked looking pouty again.

"Not really..." I muttered

"So you don't like me?" He looked down all sad.

"I didn't say that, I do like you. But I'd like you a lot more if you told me your name." I smiled down at him

"Really?" he looked up at me

"Really!" I assured him

"Ok. Then I'm Jesse."

"Hi Jesse."

* * *

The rest of the day, Claire had them learning letters and numbers while they colored. But the whole time Jesse stayed right by me. He really was a sweet kid. And it was a nice feeling, him always by me. Most people didn't really like me so I felt like I just made a new little friend.

Before I knew it I had to leave. I had to leave a half an hour early so I could pick up Charlie from the hospital, since Sue was busy.

"So you and Jesse seem to be chummy." Claire said coming up to me.

"Oh yeah, he's really sweet."

"That's great that he opened up to you. He must really like you cause he's still really shy around me, and I've know him for years." Claire explained

"That's weird he didn't seem shy at all, to me." The way that boy talked? No way was he shy.

"Well he is. He doesn't really connect with the kids here. He's different, so I'm glad he found a friend in you." she said

"Me too." I agreed

I was about to leave when I heard "Miss Carlie?"

"Miss Carlie, where are you going?" Jesse asked

"I have to pick up my grandpa."

"Oh..." he looked down sadly again.

"Don't worry I'll be back tomorrow." I didn't want the poor little guy to be sad on my account.

He smiled at me and then hugged me. "Buh-bye Miss Carlie."

"Good-bye Jesse." I squatted down to his level and hugged him back.

"You can meet my dad tomorrow." Jesse insisted with a mischievous smile.

"Stop trying to set me up with your father." I said sternly

"Sure, sure." he said then he ran off.

Sure, sure. That sounded familiar, but where did I hear it from?

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**Hope you liked the Jesse/Nessie conversation.**

**Next Chapter will be in Jacob's P.O.V.**

******Please review peoples...**


	5. Fathers and Sons

**Ok, so short chapter. But I needed to get this out before they saw each other again.**

**Thanks for all the reviews, including the anonymous ones. I usually reply to reviews but I can't if you're anonymous. So thanks for those and also the alerts/favorites.**

**All those things giveme the inspiration to write.**

**Next Chapter they will see each other**

**NOTE: this is a week after chapter 4.**

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_**(Jacob)**_

It's been a week since Jesse got a new teacher. I know that, because she's all he's been talking about lately. Miss Carlie this, and Miss Carlie that. Whoever she is, she's really got him wrapped around her little finger.

He keeps wanting me to meet Miss Carlie, but I told him I've been busy. Truthfully I've been trying to find Nessie. Not so I can see her. Just so I know where she is, so I can avoid that place.

I know it sounds like I'm stalking, but I'm not. I just can't help but be curious.

What does she look like? What does she like to do now? Does she ever think about me? Does she ever think about Jesse? Does she ever think about the life we could have had, had she stayed? I didn't know, but shamefully I wanted to.

It's stupid to think about someone who probably doesn't think about you. But I couldn't help it. She was in my every thought, still. Even after all these years, she was still the owner of my heart. She always would be, but the thought of her was just more real now that she was in Forks. My heart kept screaming at me to find her, but in my mind I know it's not a good idea. If they're was one thing Ness was always good at it, was braking my heart.

My heart was tired of being broken. I was tired of being heartbroken.

"Daddy, guess what Miss Carlie is teaching me to do?" Jesse asked me shaking me from my previous thoughts.

"I don't know, what?" I asked him

"She's teaching me to play piano." He said all excited.

Piano, Nessie loved the piano. She wrote a song for me once. It was beautiful, sweet and soft. She told me it represented our love. If she played our song now, I'm pretty sure she'd smash her hands against the keys. Cause that's Basicly how our relationship ended.

The last time I saw her was at the hospital. She had just given birth to Jesse, and she didn't even want me to know. She didn't want us to raise our son.

Maybe she could turn her back ,on her own flesh and blood, but I sure as hell couldn't. She didn't even say goodbye before she left for New York. It was then I knew, that I meant absolutely nothing to her.

"The piano, that's great Jess." I tried to sound happy but I couldn't, Billy noticed and looked at me. He looked sympathetic, but he didn't understand. He couldn't. Mom didn't leave us, she died. She was taken from us, she didn't leave on her own accord. Not like Nessie.

I know Nessie didn't make a commitment to me. But she promised she'd always love me. Always be there for me. And I believed her, because I loved her. Because even though she was going places I hoped she'd stay. I let myself believe that she would stay. Does that make me stupid? Am I stupid, because I wanted to believe that she loved me as much as I loved her? Is falling in love stupid? Because I sure as hell feel stupid.

"She's teaching me 'twinkle twinkle little star' She says I'm really good, a natural." Jesse stated dreamily.

"That's great buddy." I replied

I really was happy for him. Jesse didn't connect that well with other kids his age. I think Jesse was getting really attached to Carlie, he's never talked about anyone else that much. He was close with Bella, and he liked Sue. But Carlie obviously made an impression on him.

It made me feel bad that I still haven't met the woman that my son adored. I would have met her sooner but because of my obsessive tracking, I've been late in picking up Jesse. So she's gone by time I pick Jess up.

"I really like her Daddy. I can't wait for you to meet her. She's so nice, and pretty." Jesse went on to say.

"Pretty, huh? What are you crushing on her?" I asked laughing

"Nno..." Jesse stuttered

"It sure sounds like it, bud." My father Billy said.

"Well, I'm not. She's too old, like daddy."

"I'm not that old." I muttered, god I sound like Billy. But I was really only twenty-four.

"Daddy? I think you should go out on a date with Miss Carlie." Jesse said bluntly.

"What? Why?" I asked

"Because she's pretty and I like her."

"No, why do you want me to date. You know I've never dated before." Well not since Ness, anyway. But that was before Jesse.

He looked down at his feet sadly. I hated it when Jesse was sad, it literally hurt me.

"Cause I don't want you to be sad anymore daddy. I want you to be happy." he said still looking down at his feet.

"Hey, look at me." I said to him. He looked up at me and I picked him up.

"I am happy. You make me very happy, Jesse." I said sincerely. How could he think he didn't? He was my whole world.

"But I don't want you to be lonely. And if you and Miss Carlie got married, then you wouldn't be lonely anymore. And we'd be a family." He explained his eyes pleading.

"Jesse, you and me." I pointed to him then myself. "We are a family. Just the two of us."

"No we're not. If we were a family then I'd have a mommy. And I don't have a mommy, and all family's need mommies." Jesse franticly explained with tears dripping out of his eyes.

I brought him close to my chest as he cried. I felt tears coming out of my eyes. I looked at my father who rolled over to me.

"It's okay son." Billy's wise eyes looked at me as he patted Jesse's back.

* * *

A while later, Jesse stopped crying and I felt him snuggling up to me. I looked down at him and sure enough he fell asleep. I picked him up so I could carry him to his room. I set him on his race-car bed, and kissed his forehead. He put his thumb in his mouth and turned over.

I walked out of his room only to see my father staring at me.

"What?" I asked him

"You're a good father Jacob. I wish I was as good of a father back in the day." Billy said looking at me.

"You're a great father. You always were."

"That's sweet son, but I really wasn't. You connect with Jesse, in a way I never did with you and your sisters. After your mother died she was all I could think about. That woman was my life, and I was just useless without her. And even though you went through a similar situation, you endured it. And I'm just so proud of you for that, Jacob." He spoke sincerely, in a way I've never heard him speak before.

I didn't know what to say but I felt tears in my eyes again. I went and bent down to my father's wheelchair level, and hugged him.

After we parted I went and sat on the couch as my father sat across from me.

"I think you should start dating again." Billy stated looking at me.

"I think you should start dating again." I replied

"Hey, I tried but Sue picked Charlie." Billy stated "But, I'm serious Jacob. You need to get out there. Everything Jesse said was true. And all of us are sick of seeing you miserable."

I just nodded my head. I didn't know where all this was coming from. But if Billy was giving advice I was going to take it.

"Maybe you and 'Miss Carlie' isn't such a horrible idea." Billy continued

"Yeah maybe." I muttered thinking about it.

I was going to pick up Jesse on time, tomorrow. So I could meet Miss Carlie. Which means not driving around Forks and Port Angeles, obsessing over Ness. If Miss Carlie could make my son happy, maybe she could make me happy too.

Because I just couldn't do this anymore. I need to be done with Nessie. I need to get over her. Thinking about her is not only painful, but it's sucking the life out of me. And my son is seeing how it's affecting me. And I never want him to hurt, just because I'm hurt.

I was done with thinking about Nessie. I was done with the pain, and the way it affected my son. I was done with the what ifs. And all the if onlys.

I need to start living in the moment. So I'm done. Just done, with it all.

But most of all, I was done with Renesmee Cullen. Period.

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**Next Chapter is Nessie's P.O.V.**

**And they see each other, yay.**

**Review please...**


	6. The Renee in Renesmee

**Thanks for the reviews/alerts.**

**I felt like I just had to update, because the last chapter was so small. **

**Please, please, please review. I get a ton of alert things and barely any reviews.**

**So please review, it makes me wanna update more.**

___**(Renesmee)**_

* * *

I grabbed my keyboard and got ready to leave. Jesse was doing so good with his piano lessons. He really was a natural. You know they say musical talent is inherent. Maybe someone in his family is a musician. It wouldn't surprise me, he truly was an amazing creature. So sweet and full of life. I've never met such a pure heart before. I'm sure his family is just full of wonderful people, I was slightly jealous at the thought.

"So you're off to work?" Sue asked as I came downstairs.

"Yup." I popped the p cheerily.

"Well, you're in a good mood today. And every other day for that matter." Charlie said looking at me from the kitchen table.

"Yeah, yeah I guess I am." I smiled at them

"So you like your new job, then?" Sue asked

"I do. Thanks for getting it for me Sue."

"Oh, you're welcome sweetheart." She smiled at me sweetly.

I smiled back, she really is a good person. Never before have I really thought of her as my grandmother, but a part of me did now. Actually she was more like a mother. The way she looked after me. It was so endearing, what I wouldn't give for a mother like that. It made me happy that she was with Charlie. They deserved each other.

"Whacha doing with your keyboard?" Charlie ask with a mouth full of pancakes.

"Oh, I'm teaching one of the kids to play." I stated proudly

"Really, which one?" Sue asked with an odd smile on her face.

"His name is Jesse and..." I stared to say fondly, but then Charlie started chocking on his pancakes. That's what he gets for chewing and talking with his mouth open. Not only is it gross and rude, but it's unsanitary.

Once Charlie's palate was cleared he said "WHAT?"

"What, what gramps?" I asked

"What did you say the kid's..." He started to say but then Sue cut him off.

"Ness, would you like some pancakes?" she asked me

"Sure. What were you going to say gramps?" I looked at him while Sue was giving me some chocolate chip pancakes. How did she know they were my favorite?

Sue shot him a fierce look. Charlie's eyes bugged out as if he couldn't believe whatever she had just said with her eyes. Gosh, old people are weird.

"I thought you didn't like kids." Charlie said seriously, giving me an odd look.

"I don't like old people either, but I make an exception for you guys." I joked

"I'm serious Ness." He persisted

"Me too, I find old people really annoying." I laughed, Sue joined me.

"I think you should leave this kid alone, Ness." Charlie stated

"What? No, he's my friend." As pathetic as it sounds, he is. It's probably weird to have a friend that's four, but he's really mature for his age. They're is just something about him, that's I don't know, familiar. I feel like I'm known him for years, even though that's impossible considering his age. Jesse just, makes me happy. Which is something I can't say about the most people I know.

"Ness, what happens when you leave? Kids don't take too kindly to that kinda stuff."

"I don't know, I can visit. And luckily New York, has an abundance of post cards." Where was Charlie going with this?

"Right like you visited us." Charlie muttered quietly. "Listen all I'm saying is you've never been the responsible type. When the going gets tough you get going. You're like Renee in that way. I'm not saying it's necessarily a bad thing, it's just fact." Charlie said

I didn't say anything. I just sat there and ate my pancakes. I wanted to cry, was this what people really thought about me? I knew others thought, that but not my family. Least of all Charlie. I tried to avoid Charlie's gaze. But Sue saw the look on my face.

She came over by me.

"Oh sweetie, don't listen to him. I think what you're doing for Jesse is great. There is nothing wrong with you getting close to him. Things might be rough now but they'll get better, I just know it." Half of what she said didn't even make sense. Like she referred to the kid as Jesse, I know I said his name but I was surprised she remembered. It was almost like she knew him. Maybe she did, he did live in La Push.

Sue was hugging me and I hugged her back. It was nice to know that for once, someone had faith in me. But it also made me nervous, I didn't want to do anything to make her lose that faith in me. But I probably would... Leopards don't change their spots. But oh how I wanted to.

Was I always going to be this way? Was I always going to flake every time I didn't get what I wanted? Was I going to run away my whole life? I love my grandmother Renee, but I don't want to be her. She was a fifty year old woman going through her second divorce. I don't want that to be me. I wanna fall in love again. Even though I know that some part of me will never let go of Jacob.

I know that in the last months of our relationship I was horrible to him. He loved me, and I just betrayed him in the end, I'm honest enough to admit it now. I didn't deserve him, and I never will. He was always so much better than me. Even after all he's been through, he's always had the most beautiful soul.

I grabbed my keyboard, put it in the car. Then went to drive to "La Push Preschool".

Despite the foul mood I was in, I was excited. Jesse would make me feel better. I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm putting my emotions in the hands of a four year old.

Jesse really was my only friend here, though. Claire was nice, but I really didn't know her. I should call Seth, he was always a great friend to me even through the whole Jacob mess.

With that thought, I parked the car and went in the building.

"Hi Carlie." Claire said walking past me with her pregnant form.

"Miss Carlie!" Jesse said running over to me.

"Hey Jesse." I looked at his smiling face and just like that, I was in a better mood. This kid was like magic. I needed to take some of him in a bottle with me, so I'd always be happy. He was much more effective than drugs, healthier too.

He was hugging me. I put my hand in his thick dark brown hair and started rubbing his scalp. He made a soft contented noise.

"That feels good." he said

"Yeah? My mom used to do that when I was younger. Doesn't your mom ever do this?" I asked him

He didn't answer but his sweet little face looked sad.

"Jesse, what's wrong?" I asked rubbing my thumb against his cheek.

"Carlie can I talk to you, for a sec?" Claire asked

"Sure," I answered her. Then I looked over, at the still frowning Jesse. "I'll be right back Jesse."

"Hey, what's up?" I asked Claire

"Well, you know I'm pregnant."

"Really? No way." I said sarcasticly

"Ha, ha, very funny. Anyway, my due date is approaching, and should I go into labor early I'd like to have someone to cover for me. I know you're going to be going home as soon as you can. But if you could be just like a temporary replacement just until I can find someone else, that' would be great." Claire said

"Sure, I should be here for a couple more months." I haven't really thought about the fact that I was leaving. I mean I've only been here for a week, but the time just flew. All in all I had a five month leave, so I would be around when Claire had her baby.

"Oh, thank goodness you're a lifesaver. My husband says I'm worrying too much. But how can I not? I mean it's my first child and I just want everything to be perfect." She was rambling, again

"So is it a boy or a girl?" I asked

"We don't know. I wanted it to be a surprise. We have a few names picked out for both genders, but for right now we just call it 'Baby Ateara'."

"Ateara?" Please don't be married to Quil.

"Yeah, that's my last name. I'm Mrs. Quil Ateara." Well, fuck.

Quil was one of Jacob's best friends, along with Embry. They were the two stooges to Jacob's musketeer. Seth was a friend of Jacob's too, but he was more my friend.

She went on to say that if it was a boy she was going to name it Quil most likely. I had the urge to roll my eyes. Just what we need, another Quil Ateara in this world.

Claire eventually released me from her ramblings.

I went by Jesse, who as always looked happy to see me.

"You ready for your piano lessons?" I asked him

He nodded his head "But first can I hear you play?" Jesse asked

"Sure. What do you wanna hear?"

"Anything." That was easy...

I thought of playing my father's lullaby for my mother and me. But then I thought I'd do some of my own work.

I started playing the melody I composed for Jacob. Jesse as well as the other kids and Claire seemed to like it. I couldn't help but think about our son. I wonder if he liked music. He would be four going on five, just like Jesse. That's really the perfect time to start playing.

I wonder what my son looked like. Did he look like me, or Jacob? What did he like to do in his free time? I used to love going to the playground. The swings were my favorite. They were so peaceful, it was a time when I could just think and hum. The humming would sometimes lead to melodies I later played. My father was always impressed by my ability to do that. I know I'd be impressed if my son could do that too.

"Miss Carlie are you ok?" Jesse's voice asked me, as I came back to reality.

"Huh, yeah." I tried to sound convincing but my voice cracked.

Jesse came up to me and pressed his little thumb to my cheek and wiped something wet away. My tears, I was crying. Was the song making me cry? Or was thinking about Jacob and our son making me cry? Maybe it was a mixture of both.

"Don't be sad Miss Carlie. Everything will be ok." Jesse tried to reassure me. God, he was such an angel.

I looked at Jesse but I saw Jacob's face. It was odd to say the least. That probably happened because I was thinking of Jacob. He used to wipe my tears tenderly like that.

I don't know what is wrong with me. Am I starting to regret my decision? Did I want to be with Jacob? And be a mother to his child? Shit, I don't know.

Four years ago I was so sure about myself. So sure. I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a pianist, that's it. And now, I don't know what the hell I want. I don't know what I'm looking for. But I know I'm looking for something. Because I'm definitely not happy with the way my life is turning out.

If I died now, what would I have? Nothing. Who would miss me? No one. Because I have no one, and I have nothing.

My parents and grandparents have carried me too far. I need to grow up. I have to stop using people to get what I want. It's an immature and pathetic, not to mention selfish way to live.

Jesse gave me a hug for my distress. Admittedly it made me feel better.

We then continued with out lessons.

Jesse really impressed me with "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". He's really learning quickly. Not to mention his little chubby fingers look so cute on the keys. I let the other kids attempt to play on the piano. I use the word play loosely, since all they did was bang on the keys.

The rest of the day went by the same as the others. Claire read multiple stories. Then we both started teaching the kids to write their names.

Jesse did his in the most correct way, his S's looked like Z's so he wrote his name Jezze. But that was way better than the other kids. Their letters were all over the place, and backwards too. After that I told Jesse that his Jezze looks and sounds cool.

She had them coloring. And while the other kids scribbled over the page, Jesse colored nicely. It was mostly in the lines because he outlined the image with the crayon first, then colored it in.

He was so much smarter than the other children. And I know that's not fair to say because all kids learn at a different pace, but I couldn't help it. Just like I couldn't help but play favorites. Over all the eleven children, Jesse was by far my favorite. There was no way those monsters could even compare to my sweet Jesse.

"Jesse, your dad is here." Claire called

"Yay Miss Carlie, you get to finally meet my daddy." He was so excited it warmed my heart. It was so sweet that he liked me enough that he wanted me to meet his father. I wanted his parents to like me. I just knew they'd be great. They'd have to be, to raise such an amazing kid like Jesse. I mildly wondered if his dad is cute, cause Jesse sure was a little cutie. The little dude obliviously got it somewhere.

I opened the door and walked outside.

I saw a man that looked like Jacob waiting by a truck.

Jesse ran up to the Jacob doppelganger and grabbed him by the hand.

Jesse then turned to the man and said "Daddy this is Miss Carlie."

It wasn't a doppelganger, it was Jacob.

And I couldn't breath...

* * *

**Next chapter, in Nessie's P.O.V.**

**It will pick up right where this one left off.**

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	7. Face to Face, if Only for a Moment

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* * *

_**(Renesmee)**_

Oh god I still couldn't breath. Nothing was making any sense. Jacob, Jesse's dad. Jesse, Jacob's son. No, that can't be. Why did Jesse call Jacob daddy? That doesn't make any sense. Cause he's four. And if Jacob is Jesse's father, then that means that I'm his mother. And that, that's just. I don't know, I don't know. I don't feel so well.

A number of things were going on with me. I couldn't breath, I was nauseated, and my heart was racing. So I was either going to faint, throw up, or have a heart attack. All three would really be a blessing right now.

"Nessie?" Jacob growled

"What? Daddy?" I breathed, shaking my head back and forth trying to make sense of it all. I shouldn't have talked because it was obvious oxygen was not getting to my brain.

"Renesmee Carlie. Of course.." He growled still staring at me furiously.

Of course, it all made sense now. Jacob still lived in La Push, that's why Jesse was here. Claire knew Jesse for years, she would, since she's married to Jacob's best friend. Sue knew Jesse, of course she did that's why Charlie was freaking out this morning. He liked the piano, like me. His name sounded like Nessie but started with a J, like a couple name. And Jesse was probably the only child on earth that I liked, no maybe loved. It all made since. Why didn't I see it before? Maybe I just didn't want to.

Jesse was so tender, so sweet, just like his' father. And just like his' father I fell for him almost instantly.

This was a brain rush, I was going to have to get used to. Jacob was Jesse's father. And I was Jesse's mother.

"See daddy, I told you she was pretty." Jesse's voice said.

Jesse, thought I was pretty. My son, thought I was pretty.

Jacob didn't say anything, he just clenched his jaw. Was his eyes always so black, like death? Or is that a special thing he does, just for me? I had a feeling it was the latter.

I felt scared while I was under Jacob's stare. I felt like a little girl again under my father hoping that he wouldn't yell at me. It was an odd thought, that Jacob had the you 'better be scared' look that all daddies have mastered.

Jacob changed over the years, for the better. He was taller, and I thought he was so tall before. His shaggy black hair wasn't shaggy or long at all, it was faux hawkish just like Jesse's. His face was harder, older. But he was nonetheless still gorgeous. As always...

Jesse kept staring at both of us.

"Do you guys know each other?" Jesse asked looking between us.

"More then you know..." Jacob bit out thru a clenched jaw. He was still staring at me, it was quite unnerving. A little scary.

"Jesse, go to the car." Jacob said. His teeth not moving apart, like they were glued shut.

"But..." Jesse insisted

"No. Go to the car." He spat.

"Okay. Goodbye Miss Carlie." He came up to me and hugged me. I was frozen for more than a minute, but then somehow I snapped out of it. And I bent down and hugged him back.

I could feel Jacob glaring at us, or rather, me. Curious, I met his gaze. The emotions in his eyes were flickering. I could see rage one second then see something softer I couldn't recognize, in the next. Finally he just picked an emotion and stuck with it. Hurt. I could see all the hurt in his eyes. I had to turn away from that. That was something I didn't want to see from him.

Jesse gave me one last wave then went into the black truck. I'd be lying if I said that seeing Jacob didn't effect me. Because it did, Jacob would always have an effect on me. Always. But that didn't seem important anymore.

I felt Jacob starting at me again. And it definitely was in the unpleasant way. I could practically feel the heat of his rage burning me. He was seething and that was a side of Jacob I've rarely ever seen, when we dated.

I couldn't look at him. Not in the eyes anyway, it was too much. Just too much. And I'm a cowered. I always have been, and I always will be.

Jacob was walking closer to me. He took an intimidating stance right by me. He was so close that I had to look up at him to see his face. He gave me an ice cold glare that was made for the devil himself. Or me, really what's the difference?

I didn't want to look at him anymore. So I turned to look at the black truck. Jesse had his hands on the glass looking at us with a worried expression. He looked so cute, even if he was scared. How could I have not noticed he was mine? He had my eyes, the ones that also belonged to my mother and grandfather. He had my pouty lips too, the ones Jacob would say "could make him do anything". Jesse had deep dimples when he smiled, both Jacob and I had slight dimples. Jesse had my mother's hair, it was this chocolate mahogany color. And his skin tone was this light creamy russet color. Lighter than Jacob's but darker than mine. He was so beautiful the perfect mixture of us.

I looked up at Jacob again. His hard expression never wavered. I gulped loudly.

"I... I didn't know..." I breathed looking into his eyes. He couldn't think that I intentionally put myself into Jesse's life, because that wasn't the case. And I couldn't have him thinking it was.

He looked confused for a second. I looked back at Jesse who still looked nervous. Jacob's face immediately hardened. His jaw, like his fists were clenched.

He spoke in a low threatening voice, "Leave. Go back to New York."

I wanted to cry. This couldn't be the last time I would see Jesse. Not now that I know, what I know. Even though I wasn't sure what I was going to do with the situation, I knew I couldn't leave. Not like this.

"Bbut..." I started to say tears dripping out of my eyes.

"NO. Go back home. You have no right to be here. You have no right to show up after all these years. I won't have you hurt my son. I won't let you do to him what you did to me. I just won't." I saw a mixture of anguish and hatred in his eyes. And I finally got the message.

I wasn't needed here and I certainly wasn't wanted here. So I would leave. After all the misery I put him through I would do it. I knew it wouldn't make up for all the pain I put him through, but it was something.

I nodded with tears still dripping from my face. "Okay, I'll leave." I breathed quietly.

He growled then turned around and walked slowly to his black truck. He got in and looked at me one last time before he drove off. Jesse waved at me sadly from the back seat. I tried to wave back, but all I could do was hold my hand up. It wouldn't move. I felt numb.

I just stood there. Even after they drove off. I felt so empty and lifeless. I walked slowly to my car. Upon closing the door I put my forehead on the steering wheel. And I just cried.

* * *

I got myself together and drove to Charlie's. No one was home, thank god. Sue must have taken Charlie somewhere or something. I didn't really care. I was going to have to say goodbye, when I didn't want to. Maybe I should just leave without seeing them or saying goodbye. It's what they'd be expecting from me anyway. That's what Renesmee did. She bailed without notice. Not caring what or who she hurt in the process.

I finished packing. And I heard a noise outside. I looked out the window of the room that belonged to my mother. They were home. Sue and Charlie were home. I held back a sob. This was the worst day ever, by far.

I don't know what I'm going to say to them. I can't just say bye and then leave. I gave them my word that I'd be here to help with Charlie. And now I was leaving. Doing what I do best, I guess.

I carried my suitcases down the stairs. And the door opened. Sue and Charlie walked in, well Charlie hobbled with his cane, the doctor must have prescribed. They looked at me and then my suitcases. Charlie looked sad but not surprised. Sue's face went blank.

"I'm leaving." I announced.

Charlie nodded like it was expected. A given. His face told me he was just waiting for when I would leave. I wouldn't be surprised if he and Sue had a bet going. Sue just kept staring at me, as Charlie hobbled to the living room couch.

"We should talk." Sue said looking at me. It wasn't a question, she wasn't asking. She was telling me we were going to talk. It's not up for discussion. I could have said no and left. But I had to much respect for her than that.

"Kay..." I replied softly

We went outside and sat on the front door steps. The chilly Fall air was drying my tears. Sue was looking at me. She wanted me to say something first.

"Jesse..." I breathed looking at my lap. All I said was that one word. That one name, and yet she understood. She knew that I now knew, the secret she was keeping. She knew I knew Jesse was my son.

I looked at her. Her eyes were kind, gentle. Not judgmental, or rude. Like some people I know.

"By Jesse, you mean Jacob." My eyes widened at her words. "Your leaving because of Jacob, not Jesse." Sue stated like it was fact.

"I... I...um." I was speechless. I didn't think about it that way, but I suppose she was right. Why would I leave because of Jesse? I can't think of one reason. But Jacob? I can think of tons.

"Nessie, there's a million ways I could say this, but I'm not going to beat around the bush. I'm just gonna come out with it. Jesse needs a mother. But not just any mother, you. Jesse needs you."

"But, Jacob..." I tried to say. But she cut me off.

"Jacob's hurt. He's been hurt ever since you left. But Jesse, he needs you. And I think you need him too. Your so much happier with him in your life, just as he is." Sue said

"Jacob doesn't want me in Jesse's life." my voice cracked as I said it. It was painful to say but true.

"So? Since when have you ever let anyone tell you what to do? Let alone a man, and more specifically Jacob. The Nessie I know does what she wants." She went on to say smiling at me. I smiled back.

"But Jacob is his father. I can't just waltz right in there and play mommy."

"I suppose your right, you never were a good dancer. Good thing your a great pianist, otherwise Juilliard would have never accepted you." She joked

"I'm serious Sue. I don't even know how to be a mom."

Sue sighed and said, "I know you and your mother don't have the best relationship. But I think you'll be a great mother. The way you act with Jesse already proves your a natural." She smiled wiping a stray tear from my eye.

"Thanks grandma." I hugged her. This was the first time I called her Grandma. But it wouldn't be the last.

* * *

It was 10:00 at night. I didn't realize it at the time but Sue and I were out there for hours.

Earlier today I was excited to see Jesse, a little boy I was quite fond of. Then I find out that said little boy just happens to be my son. And his father, my former love doesn't want me around him. Today definitely turned out oddly, but in a nice way. With Jesse anyway.

At first I didn't know what to do about the whole Jesse thing. But after talking to Sue, I now knew. My mind was set, and I'd be damned if someone tried to change it.

I would be a mother to my son. Not just because he needed it, but because I did too. I need to be apart of something bigger. I need to care about someone other than myself, and I care about Jesse.

I don't know what's going to happen with the whole Juilliard thing. But I need to try with Jesse, or else I know I'll regret it later. Now that I know ,that wonderful little boy is my son, I can't just go back and pretend I don't know him. That I don't know what he's like. It just doesn't work that way. I know how amazing he is.

The only drawback to my plan was, Jacob. I have to respect the fact that he's Jesse's dad. And since he's been raising him I really had little to no say over Jesse. So what Jacob says goes. It was going to be hard,being friendly towards Jacob. Especially with the way he acted towards me today, I know he had every right to, but it still hurt. Of all the things Jacob and I have been, we've never been friends. And right now I needed him to be my friend, otherwise I could just kiss my son goodbye.

But even if weren't friends I couldn't be his enemy. Being Jacob Black's enemy is never a good thing, then again, being mine isn't either. So I would try to get along with him, for Jesse's sake.

I decided I couldn't wait till tomorrow to talk to him. So even though it was late at night, for someone who has children, I had to talk to him. I needed to talk to him, and let him know I'm turning over a new leaf. I had to show him that I wanted to be there for Jesse. I wanted to be there for Jacob too. But I couldn't say that. If I say that out loud my heart might start to hope that Jacob and I could... I couldn't even think it. I knew it was too late for Jacob and I. I just hoped it wasn't too late for Jesse and I.

Sue told me that Jacob bought his father's house, and that Billy lives there with them. It was amazing to me that Jacob took care of Billy and Jesse. I couldn't do that. Wouldn't want to. When my parents are old and incompetent, I'll pay for their upscale nursing home. It sounds mean but I couldn't put up with my mother. And my father would never want to leave my mother.

I pulled up to Billy's house. It looked different. The red shack was not a shack anymore. Jacob must have added a second level. And the first level was bigger too. The red paint was also updated. The house was nice, it made me happy that Jesse has this place to call 'home'.

Jacob's Garage was still there but like the house it was bigger and nicer. They're was no black truck in the garage or the driveway. In fact I didn't see it at all. The light was on in the living room. I figured that Billy must be home. Maybe he was watching Jesse. But then where was Jacob?

Striking up the nerve, I went to the door and knocked. The door opened to Billy, who only looked half surprised to see me. Jacob told him. I wonder if he was bitching to my mother too.

"Where's Jacob?" I didn't have to be so rude but surely after what I did to Jacob, Billy wasn't my biggest fan. Then again who was? Jesse and Sue, maybe...

"Nessie." He said awkwardly

"Billy. Where's Jacob?"

* * *

_**I hope you liked it. **_

_**I know the meeting was short, but I don't imagine Jacob making a huge scene in front of Jesse.**_

_**Plus there will be plently more to talk about later on.**_

_**Next chapter in Jacob's P.O.V.**_

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	8. Ditto

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* * *

_**(Jacob)**_

Embry's Bar, it was a funny name for a bar. I mean have you ever said "Embry" while drunk? It's some pretty hilarious shit. Or maybe it was just funny to me, because I've been drinking. That was entirely possible.

Normally I don't drink. When Billy, Charlie and I would watch baseball or football I might have a couple of beers. But nothing more. Of course not, I have Jesse to take care of.

But with today's events I made an exception.

Damn, I still can't believe it. Nessie is the infamous Miss Carlie, that Jesse adores so much. Jesse, my son adores Nessie, my love, his mother. I just had a hard time processing it. Today, thinking has been hard for me. Which is how I found myself in my buddy's bar.

"Yo Em, how bout another shot?" I asked him. How many have I had tonight? Fuck, I don't know. Math is hard when you've been drinking.

"I don't think so, Jake." he said pouring a drink to give to a customer that's not me. Why is he not giving me anything?

"And why not?" I asked

"Because you're shitfaced. And I don't want Billy kicking my ass because Jesse happened to see you this way."

"You're an ass. You know that?" I replied

"Yeah, yeah, I know." He shrugged it off.

This brunette comes walking over by me. Her stripper heels clanking the floor with every step.

"I'll buy you a drink." She says shamelessly flirting with me.

"Hey Embry? She'll but me a drink." I stated looking at him. He looked wary.

"Two shots of anything." She said to Embry, winking at me.

It was odd that she was obviously flirting with me. I wonder if she thought I would go home with her. Hell maybe I would. Maybe it would make me forget about that hurtful bitch. But I doubt it would.

Dammit, it's just my luck that my son wants me to go out with his mother. Of course he loves her. Everyone loves her, that's how it's always been. Then she'll turn on you and stomp your heart out. She was the angel in the devil's disguise. Always has been, always will be.

When I saw her today it was a shock to the system. But I shouldn't have been surprised considering I knew she was here in Forks, by La Push. But seeing her and seeing the kind loving way she was with my son, it just lit something inside of me. The way she hugged him, even after she knew he was her son. It was like she really loved him, already. And I didn't want to see it. I didn't want to see her loving our son. Because then it was like she didn't leave us, she left me.

After Jesse was born and Nessie left, I blamed Jesse for her leaving. I convinced myself that she left because of the baby. I thought if I never got her pregnant in the first place then she'd be here with me now. But now I see that wasn't the reason. Jesse, wasn't the reason. Obliviously I was. God I'm pathetic, jealous of my own son. Just because his mother loves him and not me.

I made her leave. I didn't want her around to hurt him. To hurt me. I just needed her to leave so Jesse and I could get back to our lives. And when I told her to leave, she nodded and said she would. She was probably on the plane to New York right now.

My only chance at my son's happiness, and I drove her off. I knew even if she wanted to say she'd leave anyway. That's what she did. There's no way she'd stay with us. And that's dangerous thinking in the first place. I couldn't allow my mind to wander to dreams of us being a happy family. I was too old for dreams. I had to be realistic for my son. And let's face it, even if I got on my knees and begged her to stay, she wouldn't.

"So... Do you wanna do some body shots?" The brunette asked me. I looked at her. She was thin, too thin and she had the body of a twelve year old boy. Gross. I couldn't really look at her face, things were sorta blurry from all the alcohol. But now that I'm thinking about it, I wouldn't have wanted to see her face.

Who want's to do body shots at this kind of bar anyway? I mean it's small and kinda homely. And no offense to Embry, but it smelled like piss in here. And didn't you do that kinda shit at clubs, anyway? Not piss smelling bars.

"Nah, s'okay." I told her. Body shots were pretty sexual. And the last time I did something sexual with someone, was years ago, with Nessie. Yes, it's been that long. Nessie was all I thought about. The only action I get is from Senorita Mano. Shit, I almost pissed when Seth told me that phrase.

It's funny because I was very experienced compared to Nessie back in the day. But now? I'm sure she has a few more notches on her belt than me. My throat closed up at the idea. Why the hell did I just think that was funny? How is Nessie having sex with people who aren't me funny? That's horrible.

"Oh. You sure?" She asked disappointed.

It was sad that my rejection hurt her. But she was just, so not for me. Someday I would get back in the game, but not now. And not with her. I maybe a down and depressed single dad but I wasn't about to go fuck some easy bar chick.

"Yeah, I'm sure." There was plenty of guys around this bar. Surely she could go bother someone else.

If I was going to date someone, I needed her to understand that Jesse comes first. Because he does, and always will.

I set my head on the table, since it was obvious Embry wasn't going to give me anymore booze. Fuck him.

"Jake? Maybe you should go home. I'll call you a cab." Embry said

"No. I don't wanna go yet." I said with my head still on the table.

"Jacob, you're smashed, and I'm not giving you anything else except for water. Plus, don't you wanna see Jesse in the morning?" Embry kept trying to convince me to leave, but I wasn't ready yet. I never get to go out, and now I'm going to enjoy every moment.

Music was always playing in the background, I never really payed attention before. But this song's lyrics were pissing me off.

"_Let's go all, the way tonight. No regrets, just love." _What the fuck? Seriously? That's what got me into this mess in the first place. Going all the way with the one I love.

That and not wearing condoms. Fuck, that really was a my bad. I mean I know they say girls should be responsible too, but Ness was a virgin. And the whole thing was very spur of the moment. It's not like Nessie planned on giving it up to me that day. In fact she always said she was going to stay a virgin till she was married. But obviously that didn't happen. Which is good too cause I love Jesse, with all my heart.

It sorta sucked though that the first time I don't wear a condom, she gets pregnant. I knew better. I've been with other girls before Nessie, but I always wore the glove. But with Ness it was different. I loved her, and all I wanted was to be with her. I didn't think about the consequences, I just wanted my Nessie to always be mine.

The door to the bar opened. I turned to look, and there she was. With her bronze hair that she now wears straight. Her beautiful face looked the same, just more adult. Her body was more curvy, like an hourglass. What an awesome dream.

"Pretty dream." I muttered with my head still on the table.

"Uh... Dude, that's not a dream. Shit, Ness is here." Embry said

"What?" I shouted snapping my head from the table. Ness is here. She didn't leave? My heart was racing. But she probably didn't want what I wanted from her. The thought made me bitter. What the hell did she want, then?

"Jacob?" she questioned walking to me.

"What the hell do you want?" I spat

"I want to talk to you. But I can see you're not in the best..." She started to say, but I cut her off.

"Babe, I am exactly how you left me." I said. Her mouth just dropped open. Look at that she's speechless for the second time today.

"Who's this?" The ugly brunette asked to me referring to Ness.

"My son's egg donor." I stated. Nessie looked hurt. Good now the bitch knows how I feel. She bit her lip and nodded.

"I deserved that." She sad looking sad.

"Can you give us some privacy?" I said to the ugly brunette.

Ugly just left. Smart move. But she shouldn't act all pissed, I was not her boyfriend.

"So what is it?" I asked

"I wanted to talk to you about Jesse." She said nervously. I figured... It's not like she'd fall into my arms and say "'Oh Jacob, I love you.'"

"I don't want to talk about this here." I stated

"Okay. Where then?" Ness asked

I grabbed a bottle of 'Absolut Vodka'. It was right over the table, and I'll pay Embry back. I walked out of the bar with the vodka bottle. Ness followed me.

"Do you really think you should be drinking? I mean your already so drunk." Nessie asked me

"Do you really think you should be telling me what to do?" I asked

She said nothing, just biting her tongue.

I went by her father's 'Volvo' she was driving. I got in the passengers side.

"What are you doing?" She asked me

"I want to go home. And even you should know drunk driving is wrong." I stated watching her hips sway as she walked. She got into the car. Good girl.

"I don't think Jesse should have to see you like this." She said turning to me.

"Well you don't get the right to make that decision. You forfeited your parental rights, babe." I smiled smugly.

She chokes up. I saw big fat tears drip from her beautiful chocolate eyes.

"FUCK YOU!" she spits at me. "I was barely sixteen. You were nineteen, legally an adult. Good for you, for making the right decision. But I was just a stupid kid. And I didn't think I could take care of him, or you." She continues to cry.

My heart hurt as I saw that. She looked so vulnerable in that moment. I haven't seen her look so weak. So broken in such a long time. I brushed my thumb across her closed eyes, wiping her tears away.

"You'll make sure Jesse doesn't see me like this." I said softly and tenderly.

She nodded and started to drive.

* * *

The drive to my house was silent.

"We're here, do you want me to help you in?" She asked me, I nodded. I didn't really need her help, but I didn't want her to go either. Not now that she was here with me.

I gave her the keys and she opened my house. I walked to my room and she followed holding me so I wouldn't fall. Her soft fingers felt so good against my skin. Mmmm, she hasn't touched me in so long.

My room was bigger than it was when I was younger. I made improvements on the house, it had two levels now. And my bedroom was no longer closet sized.

"Wow, it's so much bigger now." Nessie said awkwardly, looking at me. She looked nervous and out of place in my bedroom. She shouldn't be, I remember all the time Nessie spent in this room. We put this room to good use. It's weird to think that Jesse was conceived here.

"Yeah." I said talking a gulp of vodka. I passed the bottle to her.

"No thanks, I should stay sober. I have to drive home, and drunk driving is bad remember?"

"No, you have to stay. You know, to make sure Jesse doesn't see me like this." I needed her to stay with me.

"But I should really go." She insisted

"Didn't you want to talk to me about Jesse? We can do that now." It was lousy of me to use Jesse to convince her to stay. But I was so lonely and I've been hurting over missing her so much.

"But you're drunk." She stated the fact.

"And you need to be." I replied passing the vodka bottle to her. She took it this time. She took one large gulp. That's my girl.

"I want to be apart of Jesse's life, if you let me." She said

"Why?" I needed to know she was disrupting our son's life for a good reason. Should I decide to let her see him.

She kept drinking the vodka, building up her nerve. It was like she knew what she wanted to say, but she didn't know how to put it in words.

"Because, I love him. I love spending time with him. And when I'm not around him I think about him. He's just so great and I fear I made a mistake in leaving..." She started to say. But my lips against hers cut her off. I don't know what came over me but I've been dreaming of her saying those last words to me for years. And now she said them.

Her lips were soft and plump. She slightly opened her mouth and I welcomed the invitation. She tasted like Nessie and vodka. Great combination I'd say the best.

I gently pushed her on my bed. I expected her to say no or something but she didn't. She just laid on her back and pulled me close to her. I kissed down her neck over to her breast. She moaned, it was always the best sound I've ever heard.

"I've wanted this for so long." I breathed looking into my sweet Nessie's eyes.

"Ditto." She breathed back.

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_**Ok so just to clear up some confusion, this is NOT a cliffhanger. **_

_**I'm not sure if I want to write lemons for this story or not. But if I do, I definitely don't want to write drunken sex.**_

_**And alsofor the next chapter, don't expect Ness and Jake to be all "lovey dovey" together. Because they still obviously have a lot of problems to work out.**_

_**So yeah.. Please Review.**_


	9. The Interesting Morning After

_**Yay I finally updated. Sorry it took forever, but I was busy. So sorry.**_

_**I want to thank all of you who left reviews. They mean so much to me, every single one of them. So thanks guys.**_

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_**(Renesmee)**_

Warmth. I woke up to the feeling of warmth on my back. I craned my head up so I could focus on my surroundings. Sunlight greeted my eyes. And when I say greeted, I mean bitch slapped.

"Fuck. Must we fight all the damn time sun?" I muttered quietly. Seriously I'm in Forks. You would think that the rain would give my hungover ass a break, but nope. I am forever doomed to wake up to vomit being spewed into my eyes.

Why was I hungover in the first place? I don't remember drinking. I felt something tighten around my waist. I looked down and saw my very naked form on top of another very naked form. How was that not the first thing I noticed today? Fuck, I'll never know. Did I honestly think I was sleeping on a fleshy mattress? God, I'm dumb.

Whoever this guy was he was holding me real tight, like he didn't want to let me go. I looked up trying to see who I unleashed myself on last night. It was difficult, because this guy was tall. And hung. It was official, I was going to have a hard time walking today.

It's not like I've never been with a hung guy. But I haven't in a while. Nahuel my ex, was slightly smaller than most. Unlike Jacob who was bigger than most. My eyes widened at the realization.

"Oh shit. Shit, shit, shit!" I exclaimed a little too loudly. It was all coming back to me now. The talking, the crying, the kissing, the moaning, the biting, the scratching, and horrifyingly enough, the fucking. I slept with Jacob last night.

All I wanted to do last night was talk to him. When Billy finally coughed up his location, I went to talk to him about Jesse. I was going to tell him that I wanted to be in Jesse's life. But then he was insulting me and then we talked and he convinced me to drink. And one thing led to another and here we are.

I wonder what Jacob would think. He was so wasted last night it was comical. Maybe he'd think I took advantage of him. I snorted at the thought. The way Jacob dominated me last night, anyone would have a hard time believing that one. I didn't like being dominated, I liked being in control. I preferred to be on top and WHY THE HELL AM I THINKING ABOUT THIS? Booze always makes me think about sex. That's why I need to lay off the shit.

At least my hangover isn't that bad this time. Or maybe it's so bad but I can't concentrate on it because I'm freaking out about this position I currently find my self in. Position. GAH, I need to get my mind out of the gutter.

I wiggled, trying to get out of Jacob's grasp without waking him. No such luck, I was stuck. I looked up at his face. It looked younger and carefree. He looked happy and at ease with the world, unlike the angry face he wears when he see's me. I wanted to stroke his cheek, so I did. I've never been one with self control.

I ran my hand lightly from his cheek to his muscular chest. Oh how I loved that chest, It was so strong. I remember feeling particularly safe and loved in that chest, being held by those arms. The memories were odd to me. They seemed unreal like I was in a movie watching it, instead of living it. It was so long ago, like another time. Things were so different now, yet the same.

I used to think Jacob would always be the center of my world. But then I went to Juilliard and my world revolved around music. And now I feel like it's changing again. I feel like my world should revolve around Jesse now. Oh crap, Jesse.

Jesse and Billy are in the house with us. How the hell am I going to sneak out with them here? I'm all for seeing Jesse. But him seeing me do the walk of shame was not really how I'd like to start off our relationship.

I wiggled again desperately trying to escape. Jacob's big strong hands were still wrapped firmly around my lower waist. I guess I wouldn't have to be worried about Jesse seeing me, because I was still stuck in his father's arms.

Jacob must have been uncomfortable because he tried turning over on his side. That was difficult of course, because I was pressed right up against his chest. But somehow he still managed, as I found myself now on my side.

Jacob's eyes opened and he stared me in the eyes with an unreadable expression. My face burned as I saw him realize that we were indeed naked on the bed together. Jacob opened his arms releasing me from his grasp.

I scurried out of his arms and sat next to him on the bed. I causally looked on the floor trying to find my clothes, I didn't. Jacob looked at me, or more precisely my naked body.

My face now felt like it was literally on fire. I wasn't exactly comfortable with my body. I was thicker now than I was the last time Jacob and I were together. Not to mention I had a few additions on my body. Stretch marks, curtsy of my pregnancy with Jesse. Granted they were faded with age but you could still see them, if you looked.

Jacob just kept staring at me. It made me uncomfortable. My body involuntarily shivered under his gaze, making my nipples harden shamefully enough. He noticed, of course he did I was fucking naked. Where the hell is the sheet? I saw that it was by my feet, I strained my leg so maybe I could take it between my toes. But something stopped me, the words of an ex fuck buddy. _"' I was just inside you and now you're acting all modest?'"_

Should I not cover up then? Because Jacob could say _"'Not only was I just inside of you but I've seen you naked plenty of times. Not to mention I knocked you up.'"_ Okay so obviously he wasn't going to say that but he could think it. Maybe I should just stay where I am. Thanks for the advice Alec.

Still I was curious as to what was going though Jacob's mind when he looked at my nakedness. I looked into his eyes hopping to get a hint or something. His were clouded over but not with lust or even disgust. It looked more like appreciation or adoration or something, which is very odd. That deffintly was not the reaction I was used to getting.

He finally noticed my shuffling and snapped out of whatever was going on in his head. He looked me in the eyes. His gaze held so much power. Those dark brown eyes never failed to captivate me. They starred intensely into mine as if he was boring into my soul.

"Hi." He said awkwardly

"Hell-lo" I replied slowly

"So..." He said scratching his head

"So."

"Um..."

"I can't find my clothes."

"Oh, um..." He looked on his side of the floor. "There on my side." he finished.

Then he got up, reveling him in all his glory. I turned away shyly, not wanting him to think I was staring. Because unlike him, I had the decency not to look.

He put on some black boxer briefs and opened his dresser. He pulled out a white t-shirt and a light blue one. I watched as he put on the white tee, shamefully covering up his abs. I was practically drooling over the man, Jacob saw and laughed. In the next moment he tossed the light blue tee at me. I looked at the t-shirt oddly. Because I thought I was going to wear my own clothes, but obviously Jacob wanted me to wear his.

"So I don't keep staring at you." Jacob explained pointing at the shirt. "Besides I think we need to talk."

I blushed while nodding. Then I quickly put the shirt on and reached for the sheet, covering myself up as much as I can. Jacob came back to the bed.

"So, you want to be apart of Jesse's life." It was a statement not a question. He already knew I wanted Jesse in my life and vice-versa. I just hope he doesn't think I'm a major slut for sleeping with him, and then not want me to be around Jesse. I know I wasn't exactly role model material but I don't want Jacob to think I'm some sort of bad influence.

"Yes, I really do..." I answered

All of a sudden the door opened crashing against the wall. Frightened on who I would see I pulled the sheet up and over myself like a child in hiding. Unfortunately Jacob also copied my movements. If all went well, then maybe his size would distract from mine under the sheet. But then again when do thinks exactly work out _'well'_ for me?

"Daddy, wake up." I heard Jesse say in sing-songy voice. My eyes widened at the horrifying truth that my son just walked in the room.

Hopefully he wouldn't see me. I don't want him to see me half naked in his father's bed. _"'Yes sweetie, you're mommy is as easy as pie.'" _That's not entirely true but that's how I was feeling at the moment.

"Daddy, you gotta get up so we can have breakfast." Jesse said now jumping up and down on the bed. Blah, the liquor churned in my stomach, and I felt like I was going to hurl. I looked over at Jacob who's expression matched my thoughts.

Jacob was just about to brake and reveal himself. But Jesse beat him to it.

"Daddy I know you're under the blankey." He said laughing.

Then he pulled the sheet back revealing us both. Jesse looked at Jacob then at me. Jacob gave me an embarrassed sympathetic smile.

"Miss Carlie? You had a sleepover with Daddy?" he asked. _"'Ah, hell.'"_ his eyes brightening while his smile continued to widen.

I heard a deep chuckle from, the other room? Billy! Oh god, that's right he lived here with Jacob and Jesse. Damn, did he know I spent the night, last night? Fuck, what if he heard us? What if Jesse did? I felt sick at the notion.

Jesse was still looking expectantly at me while I just blushed and cowered.

"Good morning Jesse." I muttered quietly

"Morning miss Carlie." He crawled over to me and fell into my arms giving me a big hug. My heart melted. Jacob was looking at us with an expression I just couldn't place. All I knew was that this sweet little boy that was my son, was in my arms. And I've never been happier.

"Miss Carlie, do you wanna eat breakfast with us?" Jesse asked sweetly.

"Oh. I don't know. I wouldn't want to impose..." I said hoping to get out of this embarrassing adventure.

"Aw come on. She can stay, can't she daddy?" Jesse looked over at Jacob.

"If she wants to buddy." he ruffled Jesse's hair.

"So what do ya say? Ya wanna have breakfast with me?" Jesse's chocolate brown eyes asked my own. Well how could I say no to that? To that sweet adorable little face? My willpower broke. This little guy could be very convincing.

"Okay, I'll stay for breakfast."

"Yay, you can sit by me miss Carlie. Cause you already had a sleepover with daddy. So now it's my turn to be with you." Jesse beamed making me smile as well. Although I must say I did blush at the sleepover comment.

"Ok bud, but you should let miss Carlie get ready first."

"Kay, see ya soon miss Carlie." Jesse waved at me leaving the room. I waved back.

"You can take a shower if you want. I still have some of your old clothes here." Jacob said. It felt weird now the we were in the room alone again.

"Umm ok.."

Jacob went through his closet and brought out some woman's clothes that were in fact mine. There was Jeans and a tee and a dress. I knew that there was no way in hell that my ass would fit into the Jeans I wore when I was sixteen, so I took the dress. The dress was one of my favorites back then. It was a soft lavender and it was flowy yet form fitting.

It was odd to me that I left clothes here but not underwear. Then again I remember going home in one of Jacob's tee-shirts and my underwear. My parents were never home in the afternoon, so no one noticed when I came home just wearing a big tee-shirt. I wanted to wear his shirts so that I could keep him with me even though he wasn't there. I always loved Jacob's smell it's so masculine and comforting.

I got up wincing at the soreness between my legs. It was manageable, like I could walk normal but the pain was definitely there. Just like the first couple of times.

I took a quick shower and put on the dress and my bra. As far as underwear, I was going commando. Because I was not going to wear dirty undies, that's gross. I didn't bother looking in the mirror cause I figured I looked like hell anyways, so I just walked out. When I came out of the bathroom I saw Jacob waiting for me.

"Thanks." I said to him, he nodded then turned to leave. "Hey Jake?" He turned back to me.

"Yeah?"

"Why did you keep them? My old clothes?" I asked feeling curious.

"Uh, I guess I didn't have the heart to throw them away." He admitted softly. I could see that he was hurt and I really didn't want him to feel that way. Because if he started that up I was going to cry, and I just want to think about the good things in life, like Jesse. So I tried to make a joke out of it so he wouldn't feel bad. **Big mistake!**

"Oh do you keep all of your ex-girlfriends clothes?" I asked laughing a little, hoping we could just joke around.

He looked down at the floor and said, "No. Because your the first person I've slept with since you left." Holy shit! He hasn't had sex since we were together. Well what the hell was I supposed to say to that? _"'Yeah, me too.'"_ Dude that is so far from the truth. I've been with more than a couple of guys and girls since then.

It was sad to me to realize that I was probably the reason for Jacob's lack of intimacy. I didn't want Jacob to be so damaged emotionally that he couldn't trust anyone else. Jake's an amazing guy, and he deserved better than that. _"'Better than me...'"_

"Oh..." I responded looking at my feet not knowing what to say.

"And you weren't just an ex-girlfriend." he muttered quietly. Instead of replying to that one I pretended I didn't hear him.

I was cold so I put on my black leather jacket and my flat knee high leather boots. It looked weird with the flowy dress. Sorta like princess meets bad ass biker girl.

Both Jacob and I went into the dining room. There was a large square table with three chairs and an empty space. I figured the empty space was for Billy, for his wheelchair.

"Miss Carlie, right here." Jesse said sitting down and patting the chair next to him. His miss Carlie stuff kills me. All the other kids in the class try to get away with calling you just by your name without the miss. "Claire", "Carlie", But not Jesse, he's always so polite with the miss. My own son, calling me miss. It's so weird, not to mention Carlie was my middle name.

I sat down next to Jesse and said, "You don't have to call me miss Carlie, Jesse."

"Really, I can call you Carlie? Cause daddy always says it's not nice to call people who are in a thority by there first names." He said. I wanted to laugh as he said a thority instead of authority. Jesse was just too smart, how did he even know such big words?

"Actually, Carlie's not my first name."

"It's not?" he asked looking up at me.

"No. My first name is Renesmee."

"Ren-a what?" he asked. Jacob and Billy snickered.

"Renesmee. But you don't have to call me that. Nobody really does except for my mom. Most people call me by my handful of nicknames."

"Why did your mom name you that?" Jesse asked frowning.

"Because it's my grandmothers' names put together, Renee and Esme. Carlie is my grandfathers' names put together, Carlisle and Charlie. I know it's weird but some people like to name someone after two or more people." _"'Like you Jesse, son of Jacob and Nessie.'" _

"So since I can't say your name, what should I call you?" Jesse asked me.

"Well you can call me Ren or May, or something." Jesse frowned, he didn't like my nicknames. "Or you could call me Nessie. That's what my family calls me." _"'And you are my family Jesse.'"_ Jacob stared at us, while Jesse smiled widely. Guess he liked that the best, just like his father. Who in fact gave me that name in the first place.

"Okay Nessie." Jesse beamed.

While I was talking with Jesse, Jacob brought the food over to the table. It was like a buffet, there was tons of food. Bacon, eggs, sausage, waffles, hash-browns, and omg an apple-crisp oatmeal. By the end of the meal I knew I'd be in heaven, or a food coma, or I could just have a heart attack. All of the options were possible.

Billy wheeled in to the kitchen and sat right across from me.

"Mornin Nessie." Billy said with a knowing smile on his face. Damn, he looks so much like Sue when he does that, it's creepy.

"Good morning Billy." I said with a fair blush on my face. It was embarrassing that he knew what we did last night.

The food was to die for good. Like the pig I was I had a little bit of everything. The boys were just shoveling the food into their mouths. Jesse ate quite a bit for being only four. Jacob was replacing whatever he ate quickly. And Billy, well he was eating almost just as much as Jacob. Which worried me because Billy was diabetic. In fact it was his diabetes that put him into the wheelchair in the first place. A man of his age with his health problems shouldn't eat like that.

I must have been staring at him because he scowled at me.

"I know what you're thinking Ness. But Sue cooked this all. Which means turkey and 'Splenda' substitutes." Billy explained. I relaxed slightly, it must have shown on my face because Billy smiled. Then something clicked in my head.

"Wait, did you say Sue cooked this? Fresh? As in today? Like she was over today?" I rambled panicking.

"When have you ever heard of Sue making anything that wasn't fresh? Of course she cooked it today." Billy stated. My face paled. Sue came over and no doubt found out that I was with Jacob. Oh god I'm going to have to go home to my grandparents.

I shifted in my seat feeling sweaty and uncomfortable, so I plucked the collar of my leather jacket. Then all of a sudden Jesse was staring at me.

"Something wrong Jesse?" I asked

"What's that on your neck?" He asked me. I didn't know what he was talking about so I took out my mirror to look. I gasped at the huge hickey that marked my neck. It was pinkish purple, and it almost looked like a bite. Gee thanks Jacob.

"Um..." Billy snorted almost chocking on his sausage. Jacob looked embarrassed. Good, he should be.

"It looks like a vampire bit you. Or maybe a werewolf." Jesse offered. Great my kid was into supernatural shit.

Billy spit up his orange juice, laughed then muttered, "Oh it was some animal all right..." I almost died. The nerve of that man. Jesse ignored him while Jacob blushed.

"So... Did you have a good sleepover?" Jesse asked looking over at Jacob and I. My face was on fire. I wanted to die. Not only did Jesse see my hickey but he asked us if we had a good sleepover. Lord, take me now.

"Ah hell, I'm gonna wet myself." Billy said threw his fits of laughter. I never was a particularly violent person, but I wanted to strangle the man. Or deck him, both were appealing ideas.

"Ummm..." I muttered my face still burning, which only encouraged Billy to laugh even more.

"Jesse, you should go get dressed if you're finished eating." Jacob said saving me from answering further.

Jesse obeyed and went upstairs to him room. After Jesse left the table so did I. Obviously I lost my appetite after that embarrassing conversation. I thanked them for breakfast even though Sue cooked, it seemed like the polite thing to do. Billy just kept laughing earning glares from Jacob.

After cleaning up my plate I walked into Jacob's bedroom to get my stuff. Jacob followed me.

"I was going to take Jesse fishing today... So, maybe we should talk later." Jacob explained. I didn't know if he was saying this because it was true or he just didn't want to be with me any longer. Either was fine with me. And even though I wanted to talk to him I wasn't sure I could tolerate Billy's teasing anymore. "Unless you want to come with?" Jacob asked

"Yeah, Yeah, come with us. Please Nessie." Jesse said running excitedly to us. I didn't want to hurt Jesse's feelings by not going, but I didn't want to intrude. Plus I doubted Jacob would want me to come with.

"You wouldn't be intruding." Jacob said as if reading my thoughts. Then he smiled at me in the most sincerest way.

I said I would go with them to which Jesse cheered. But I had to go home and change first. I mean I was wearing an old dress, boots, and a leather jacket. I wasn't even wearing underwear. So we decided we would go at noon. And only the three of us were going, no Billy to laugh at me, thank god.

I was getting ready to leave when Jacob came up to me.

"About last night..." Jacob started to say.

"You don't have to explain or apologize. Last night was just that, last night. It's in the past, anyways we just got caught up in the moment. I mean, it was just sex. We can forget this ever even happened." Jacob's face dropped as I said that. "What you do is none of my business. I don't want you to think I'm intruding on your life. If you brought some other girl home, it wouldn't be my business." I sorta rambled on the last few parts due to my nerves getting the best of me. I though about last night and how that ugly girl was hanging on Jacob. It made me sick to my stomach.

"So you won't care then if I go out with some other woman?" Jacob asked angry all of a sudden. His words made me want to die. But I just have to get over that feeling, along with the thought of us ever getting back together.

"No I wouldn't. I'd babysit if you let me." I responded

"Well, good." Jacob stated bitterly, his glare turning glacial.

"Good." This was NOT good. In fact I believed it to be awful. How could I have said those stupid things? Well I am stupid, duh. No it must me something else. Maybe there's something medically wrong with me. Like maybe I have Tourette's Because really, there's no other excuse for my constant word vomit.

I can't believe what I said God, _"'It's was just sex...'"_ When the hell was anything just sex? NEVER, or at least it wasn't with Jacob and I. And what about the other thing I said, _"'I'd babysit.'"_ Fuck me, I've never been so moronic.

Just you watch he's going to take me up on that offer. And when he does I don't know what the hell I'm going to do.

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_**Please Review**_


	10. The Day my Heart Died

**So sorry that this took forever to write. But I had a horrid case of writers block. (Be careful it's catchy)**

**Plus I've been busy with family and school and the likes.**

**I want to thank all of you who review. It means so much to me, you have no idea. It's one of the things that keeps me going. So keep that up.**

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**(Renesmee)**

Fishing. I'll be honest with you, I kinda sorta hate it. Charlie tired to get me to go with him when I was seven. Let's just say it didn't work out as well as he had hoped. His sad attempt resulted with him taking me to Toys-R-Us and buying me a brand new barbie doll.

I eventually did go fishing with him when I was fifteen. But I only went because Charlie was going with his friend Billy who was bringing his son, my new friend whom I was totally crushing on. Minus the Jacob part, I hated every minute of it. Cold, wet, and the smell of fish was not my idea of a good time. Then again I've always been an indoors kinda girl. If Jacob hadn't a been there, my ass would have bailed.

With that said it's pretty obvious I'm doing this for Jesse. Although I wouldn't trade Jesse in for the world, I admit that today I wish he was Jessie instead of a Jesse. I'd much rather troll the Barbie isle of Toys-R-Us than baiting a hook.

Right now I was pulling up the driveway to my Gramps' place so I could change and hopefully borrow one of Charlie's old fishing poles. He'd never let me use his good ones. There was a couple of things of Charlie's you were NEVER allowed to touch without his permission. His guns, his Vitamin R, the remote when he's watching sports, and his fishing shit.

I opened to door that led right to the kitchen, and I looked straight at Sue. I thought I was going to be an adult about this, but obviously not.

My face flamed up as I thought about how she knew about what happened last night. It was stupid because it's not like I was a virgin coming home to tell my parents that last night I lost it. I mean she obviously knew I wasn't a virgin. Jesse wasn't immaculately conceived. And I didn't spend my weekends playing chess with my friends at Juilliard.

But still even after knowing all that I was embarrassed. I didn't want her to think of me badly. I wanted her to be proud of me. Blame it on my mommy issues or whatever. But I couldn't shake the guilty feeling.

"Umm hhi Sue." I stuttered nervously. She looked at me with one eyebrow raised as if she didn't understand why I was acting weird. Something must have clicked in her head though because she rolled her eyes at me.

"Renesmee, you are a grown ass woman and I am not Bella. If you want to spend the night with the father of your son, then who am I to judge." Sue said eying me and then the oven. I was completely and utterly shocked, I almost said so too but then she continued. "Anyways between you and me that boy needed a good fuck. His eunuch behavior is not healthy. And we all know you love each other." She finished happily.

"Oh my god Sue." I muttered, my face still on fire from before. Her f-word comment only made me blush harder. _Thanks for that useless trait mom. _

"What? I can't swear? Where do you think Leah got her sailor mouth from? I'll give you a hint it wasn't from Harry." Sue shrugged. I focused on what she was saying so I wouldn't think about the other things she said. Oops, too late._"We all know you love each other." _God, words like that don't help me with letting him go.

"Yeah okay..."

"Now shoo, get outta my kitchen. The pie is almost done." With all my self tormenting embarrassment I didn't even realize that it smelled like cherry pie.

"Cherry pie? Someone coming over today?" I asked. Cherry pie was a certain someone's favorite.

"Why yes actually my baby is coming home." Her baby? No way!

"Sue why didn't you tell me Seth was coming home?" Seth was one of my best friends growing up. The best thing about him was that even though he grew up with Jacob, he was more my friend. Everyone knows he was always more my friend. So why on earth did she not tell me he was going to be here. I understand if she wanted to keep it family, but I am family. Or I at least thought she considered me family. My heart sank a bit from the thought.

"Oh you know... I just thought you'd be busy with Jacob or something." Sue said oddly. Maybe her oddness was due to the fact that, that was a FLAT OUT LIE. I know how to read between the lines, I know exactly what she said. _Translation:__ Leah is gonna be here too, therefore you don't wanna be. _

"So Leah is coming too." I muttered. It wasn't a question it was a statement.

"Yeah." Sue sighed. Leah and Sue's relationship was very similar to mine and Bella's. You know even though she gave birth to you, you kinda hate her. Except theirs was a bit more complicated.

I didn't like Leah. That was a known fact. But my dis-likeness of her is not without merit.

See Sue was never particularly close with Jacob when he was young. I think that had something to do with the fact that Billy really liked her and she was with Charlie so she stayed away. But Leah was close to the Black family. She sorta took them under her wing, she'd cook and clean for them and do laundry for them. Motherly stuff. Jacob always told me that she was like a mother to him growing up. His words rang true when I finally met her.

She hated me. She told Jacob and I quote, _that I was just some nice piece of ass that was going to break his heart and his balls one day_. Huh? Who knew she'd be psychic? Except for the balls thing of course, they worked fine yesterday.

I hated the bitch. But Jacob told me that she was nice once she got to know you. Apparently she never got to know me. Or maybe she did and didn't like what she saw, that was entirely possible too.

Shaking her out of my thoughts I went upstairs to get dressed. I found some old skinny jeans along with a dark green flannel shirt. I also put on some dark brown Uggs. I grabbed a dark brown parka that Sue let me borrow. Needless to say I looked like a lumberjack. But at least I'm not freezing anymore, and I've got on undies. Which is always a plus.

Somewhat satisfied with my appearance I went downstairs. Only to be met with Seth at the door. I looked at him smiling.

He changed, he was taller but not in the lanky teen way in the manly way. His hair was the same though, short with his bangs in his eyes. He saw me staring at him and a smug smile came graced his full lips. And he opened his arms.

"Are you going to hug your uncle? Or are you gonna keep checking me out? Cause I'm not Jacob, I won't tolerate that shit." Seth said with a huge smile on his face. I ran down the stairs and crashed into his arms.

"Shut the fuck up." I whispered jokingly still in his arms.

"Damn, I missed you." he breathed into my hair. I stepped out of the major bear hug and punched him in the arm.

"Where the hell have you been? I missed you too, you know."

"Even after all these years you still punch like a girl." he was laughing.

"That's cause I am a girl. What's you're excuse?" I quickly replied.

"Oh ouch, Ness that's cold."

"For real though, where have you been?"

"Ireland. I've been in Ireland, looking for the Loch Ness Monster." I rolled my eyes at his retardedness. Ever since Jacob started calling me Nessie, Seth called me _"'The Loch Ness Monster'"_. It was annoying but it was him.

"Loch Ness is in Scotland moron."

"Well I guess that would explain why I didn't find it." He looked over at me "Well that, and the fact that she's been here in Forks all along."

"Yeah well, you should have called."

"Okay mom." He rolled his eyes. "And last I checked phones worked both ways, babe."

"Ireland?" I scoffed "Long distance? What makes you think you're worth those fees?" I joked, he laughed.

"Seth! Oh I missed you so much. Don't leave for so long next time." Sue said practically mauling him.

"Hey Seth did you bring us anything back from Ireland?" Charlie joked hobbling over to him.

"Accurately I did." Seth said. The door open to revel a beautiful redhead with banana curls and cerulean eyes and pinkish pale skin. "This is my girlfriend Maggie."

"Hello." She said shyly with a distinct Irish accent.

"Wow! You're really his girlfriend? Like willingly? He didn't force you into his cave or anything did he?" I joked. She blushed. So he did take her back to his cave? _Nice._

"Hi I'm Nessie, Seth's niece." I shook her hand. She looked so nervous. Poor her, Leah was gonna tear her to pieces. She won't even know how to handle herself. She probably comes from a normal family. Not wanting to be rude due to my staring I announced my departure. "Well I gotta go."

"Okay sweetie, you're coming to dinner right?" Sue asked. _Translation:__ Your ass better be here for this family dinner. _

"Yeah, sure." I said and then left.

* * *

"Hey." Jacob said as I got out of the car.

"Hey yourself."

"Nessie!" Jesse exclaimed running over to me.

"Hey, you ready to go fishing?" I asked

"Yup. Look at my Spongebob fishing pole." _Damn, with all the Seth commotion I forgot a pole._

"Oh that's so cool Jesse!" He beamed. "I forgot a pole." I said looking up at Jacob.

"That's fine. I brought an extra." He said. _God, he knows my scatterbrain so well._

We all rode in his black Ford truck. And when we got there, there was a little boat. It looked like a a bigger canoe, one that fit three comfortably.

"Jesse likes fishing on the boat. He says it helps him catch more fish." Jacob explained

"It does daddy. Fish are always moving, you gotta move with them." Jesse said looking at us. _Well you can't argue with that logic._ It still amazes me at how intelligent he is for a four year old, well for anyone really.

Jacob opened up this box and took out this smelly worm thing. And put it on the hook of Jesse's Spongebob fishing pole.

"There you go buddy, now you're all set." Jacob said

"Thanks daddy." Then went over to the other side of the boat and cast his line.

"Wow he really likes this, huh?" I remarked looking over at Jesse's smiling face. His happiness made me forget all about my Barbie thought.

"Yup, he's a natural too. Better that me. Last time we did this, Billy and Seth were with us and Jesse got the most fish. Seth was so pissed that he was beaten by a kid." he chuckled

"Oh yeah, Seth's home. From Ireland." I stated forgetting all about our friend.

"Really?"

"Yeah, he's got a girlfriend too now."

"Wow." he laughed like he was surprised too.

"So... Sue's making this huge dinner for his homecoming." I brought up casually.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I was wondering if you and Jesse would like to come?" I asked shyly hoping he wouldn't reject my offer.

"Sure, I'm sure Jesse would really love to go." My heart halted when he said that. Did that mean that he doesn't want to go? And he's just doing this for Jesse?

"Oh okay, good." I replied trying not to sound disappointed. Even though I am.

Overall Jacob caught three fish, Jesse caught five, and I caught none. Well to be fair I almost caught one but when I was unhooking it the damn thing slipped back into the river. But that didn't matter, what mattered was how Jesse's face lit up every time he caught a fish. It truly was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen.

"Daddy? I'm getting cold, can we go home?" Jesse asked

"Of course." Jacob replied than looked over at me. "You don't mind do you?"

"No of course not. I'm a bit chilled myself."

Jesse stood up and tripped, not wanting him to fall I stood up. "No don't stand-!" Jacob said to both Jesse and I, but it was too late. The boat tipped over with all of us in it. "Up!" Jacob said coming up from the water. _Damn the water was fucking freezing!_

I saw Jesse treading water right next to me. "I'm so sorry I didn't want him to fall. And I really wasn't thinking." I rushed my words that were frozen in my throat.

Jesse just smiled and swam over to me getting on my back. "That's okay." He nuzzled my neck creating more body heat for the both of us. Luckily my 5'5 frame could touch the bottom of the apparently shallow river, so Jesse and I didn't sink.

"Well that's never happened before." Jacob said while laughing as we walked to the truck.

* * *

We got to Jacob's house and immediately ran a hot bath for Jesse. _God if he gets sick-_

"It's not your fault. It was just an accident. Jesse will be fine." Jacob said coming towards me and interrupting my thoughts. I was on the couch with a couple towels under and around me since I was soaking wet and freezing. Jacob told me I could take a shower but I wanted Jesse to be okay first.

"I hope so. I'd hate for him to be sick because of me." Jacob didn't say anything. And the awkward silence grew.

"You can't tell him." Jacob blurted out. He must have seen my questioning look because then he said, "You can't tell him your his mom. At least not yet."

"Oh. Of course, I wasn't going to say something until you wanted me too."

"You can't hurt him. Not like you hurt me." Jacob said softly. I saw the pain in his eyes and swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I, I never meant to hurt you Jacob." I chocked out holding back the tears that were threatening to spill.

"But you did. And you can't do that to Jesse. He's just a kid, he shouldn't have to deal with that type of rejection."

"I wouldn't do that to him." I insisted.

"No? Only me? What did I do to deserve that?"

"Nnothing, nothing Jacob. You didn't do anything. It's me not you." I stuttered, my words caught in my throat.

"Bullshit! Don't you dare give me that "'It's not you it's me'" shit. Because I know better." Jacob said. He was fuming now. And as much as I tried to stop it I didn't know how. There was nothing I could say to pacify him because he was right.

"Your right." I breathed a single tear running down my cheek.

"What the hell did I do to deserve this life?" Jacob muttered to himself.

"I'm sorry." I half sobbed

"Sorry doesn't fix the last four years of our lives." Jacob growled at me.

"I know, but I'm trying now. I want to be apart of his life. I want to be there with him." I looked right into Jacob's eyes. "I need him."

"Well it doesn't matter what you need. It matters what Jesse needs." He looked away from me and muttered, "We don't always get what we need."

"Why? Why are you saying that? Why can't we have what we need?" I questioned

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I needed you, and you weren't there for me. And even now you say you need Jesse, what about me? When will you need me? Want me? Love me?" Jacob's voice broke on his last words.

"Jacob." I breathed. I didn't know what to say. No one should have to feel what he's feeling but what can I do about it?

"Did you ever really love me?" Jacob asked blankly staring out the window.

"Yes." _And I still do._

"But not anymore." It wasn't a question it was a statement. An incorrect statement.

"Not like that no." An incorrect statement that I didn't dare to correct.

"So us?" he asked desperately

"There is no us. There's only you and I and Jesse. I'm not in love with you anymore, I've moved on. Last night was a mistake. So I'm sorry if I led you to believe differently." I said hastily shooting him down while crushing my heart.

Jacob just nodded partly in understanding and partly in acceptance.

"I don't think we'll be able to make it to dinner." Jacob said softly.

"That's probably for the best." I replied. Then I walked out the house and didn't look back. That was it Jacob and I were officially over. There was no going back after this. My heart died at the realization.

* * *

**Don't hit me. I know Nessie is terrible. But what's a good story without angst?**

**Please Review _even if your mad at Nessie._**


	11. All Santa's Fault

**Okay so, I'm so so very sorry for taking forever to update. But I've been busy with a stupid thing called _"Real Life"_ and yeah it sucks. **

**I wish I could just read and write on this site forever, but alas, I cannot. :( Family and school has really been taking up most of my time, so for that, I am sorry.**

**I want to say thank you for all of your support. The reviews/alerts/favorites are always just so amazing to me. I mean we made it to 129 reviews, that's so awesome. Thanks so much guys, keep it up!**

**BTW: Ness is a bit of a Scrooge in this chapter. So if it offends you or your beliefs, I apologise in advance. This was not intended to insult anyone. It's just Nessie's joking opinion on the matter. So yeah...**

**Also I know that this story is very angsty and some of you are probably tired of it. So allow me to ease the Vis à vis part of your mind. The angst is going to end, soon. I'm not going to give anything away, But I'm just going to say that it's almost done.**

**With that said I hope this chapter was worth the wait. But if not there much more exciting chapters on the way, I promise.**

* * *

**(Renesmee)**

I never understood the whole Satan thing. Oops brain fart, I mean Santa. Wasn't Christmas supposed to be about Jesus? How the hell did that translate into a old fat guy giving presents? And how on earth is he supposed to fit down the chimney? Last time I checked chimneys were small and obviously Santa is a porker. And why does he always want little kids to sit on his lap? I mean hello, pedophile alert! And the ho ho ho thing, what the fuck? If anyone ever calls me a "ho ho ho" he better watch his sleigh bells and south pole.

I'm just feeling particularly bitter, today. Then again when am I not lately? It's like ever since I got here, my life has been full of up and downs. I'm on this emotional roller-coaster and I'd like to get off.

It's been a week since the "latest" Jacob incident. And I haven't seen him since. I wasn't the one avoiding him. For once it was the other way around.

When I got home that night I just went to bed. I couldn't face my family. I didn't want them to look me in the eyes and see the horrible thing I had just done. I didn't want them to see how I just broke not only my heart, but Jacob's. They all respected my privacy enough to leave me alone, to wallow in my self-pity.

When I came down the next day I could tell that Sue was trying not to pry as she filled me in on all of what went on last night. It was mostly idle information about Maggie or how Leah called to cancel at the last minute. I figured she wasn't there, because if she was I would know. We would all have been made aware of her presence.

They're was a certain fact know about Leah Clearwater. If she wanted to say something, she was damn well going to say it. No bullshiting. No fucking around. She told it like it was. And I found that to be a honorable quality. If I had that quality I could have saved myself and others namely Jacob, a whole lot of pain.

I felt my phone vibrating in my purse. I had since turned off my ring-tone. I wasn't in the peppy mood that ring-tones inspire. I looked at the screen and was surprised with the name that I saw. Tanya Denali.

Tanya along with her sisters, Irina and Kate are ballerinas at Juilliard. They were originally from Russia trained by they're foster mother Sasha. The Denali's are beautiful, talented, and blonde. Enough said...

Tanya was a friend, not as good as a friend as her sister Kate. But still, a friend none the less. I was still surprised that she was calling though.

"Tanya?" I answered

"Guess what my whore of a sister is doing right now?" Tanya asked with the voice that can charm the pants off any man. I rolled my eyes.

"Ummm... I don't know." I stated in my "I couldn't have cared less voice". I figured she was talking about Irina. Tanya and Irina were always fighting. Which always left Kate in the middle to referee.

"Your boyfriend." she stated simply.

"My? My what?" I stuttered. The first thought that came to my mind was Jacob. But I knew that wasn't right. I mean Irina didn't even know Jacob. Right?

"Oh right. Your Ex-boyfriend." She corrected. I breathed a sigh of relief. Nahuel. She was just talking about Nahuel, not Jacob.

"Why does that not surprise me?"

"I know right? Ever since Laurent broke up with her, she's been hooking up with like everyone at school."

"Right..." I said uninterested. I walked over to the smoothie shop in the mall. I ordered a banana smoothie and next thing I knew I heard the dial tone. She hung up on me. I took a sip of the yummy banana smoothie.

"So... Did you fuck your baby daddy yet?" I heard a female voice say from behind me. So startled by the interaction I chocked on the smoothie. As I turned I saw the familiar strawberry blonde with breathtaking baby blues that sat upon perfect cheekbones. "Chocking on banana Rennie?" Tanya laughed taking the straw of my smoothie between her lips.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked

"I needed to update my wardrobe. Oh my god Ren, if I ever buy velvet leggings and wear them with a plaid top, you better kill me. I mean velvet leggings are so Ew. And you already know how I feel about plaid." Tanya went on to say. She says that, but somehow I'm convinced she'd manage to look stunning in them none the less.

"No I mean, what are you doing here in Forks?"

"I was tired of the city. So I thought I'd go all country bumpkin. I told my sisters, "If Ren can do it, then so can I." She smiled proudly.

"You _do_ know that Forks isn't considered _"country"_ don't you?" I rolled my eyes.

"Well obviously, the country doesn't have mini-malls." She said abstinently rolling her baby blues. "So did you?" she asked shaking me from my thoughts.

"Did I what?"

"Did. You. Fuck. Your. Baby. Daddy. Yet?" She said each word as if she was questioning an ignorant child.

"I.. I.. Um.. Don't call him that!" I stuttered. Tanya along with the rest of her sisters were the only ones who knew about Jacob and my past. In high school I originally only told Kate, who as I mentioned before was my best friend. But Kate had a hard time keeping secrets from her sisters and _"spilled the beans"_. I was upset at first not wanting my reputation to be ruined, but eventually I got over it.

"Oh my fucking god, you did!" Tanya gasped a little too loudly. Suddenly a couple customers and mall Santa guy were staring at us.

"Shut the hell up!" I hissed

"I'm so happy for you. So what's he like?" I looked at her not understanding her question. "You know, your son. What's he like?" She asked timidly.

"Wow, he's well, amazing. He's sweet and smart and funny. He's got a smile that can light up a room. He's everything anyone would ever want to be. He's like... He's like the Sun. You just can't help but feel warm in his presence." I felt the smile on my face as I described Jesse. My heart lurched at the thought that I haven't seen him since forever. Well what felt like forever, anyway...

"Sounds like your falling for the little guy." Tanya stated

"That's the understatement of the century." I mused

"Well he sounds great. Like his mom?"

I shook my head. "Like his dad." _Definitely like his dad._

I came to the startling realization that not only did I miss Jesse, but I missed Jacob too. It's been a week since I've seen either one of them, and my heart ached because of it.

I showed up for work every single day. But Jesse didn't show. Apparently Mr. Black's son was home sick. On Monday, Jesse Black had a cold. On Tuesday, he had laryngitis. On Wednesday, he had an ear infection. On Thursday, he had the stomach flu. And on Friday, Jesse had the chicken pox. It's a good thing there was no school on Saturday because Jacob Black would most likely call in saying his son was on his death bed.

Jacob is by no means a stupid man. He knew there was no way someone could have all those sicknesses in the same week. He was sending a message. He didn't want to see me. Well, message received.

That week of school was complete and utter hell! And shockingly enough not just because Jesse wasn't there.

It was Claire. She looked at me differently that week. Like she was trying to decide whether or not I was the horrible person her husband, had most likely told her I was. Sure she was still nice, she'd smile when she saw me. And then she'd clutch her very pregnant belly as if I would steal her baby away from her and eat it.

"Ouch." I gasped as I fell face first on to the floor. I must have bumped in to someone while I was day dreaming.

"Watch where your going next time!" said the woman who was also on the floor.

"Oh I'm sorry, I'm so clumsy. Are you okay?" I asked. The woman didn't say anything but I felt eyes on me. I looked to my right to see the woman and I stopped dead in my tracks. If looks could kill, I'd be so fucking dead. The woman's dark brown eyes glared obsidian. That paired with her ebony hair and russet skin, she looked like the very representation of death itself. Beautiful death, but death none the less.

"Leah..." I gasped

"Ness..." She sneered "I would say it was nice to see you but, I try not to make a habit out of lying."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" asked Tanya

"Tanya, stop. It's, it's okay..." I said trying to pacify her. When Tanya was pissed at someone, all hell broke loose. Then again, the same could be said about Leah.

"No it's not okay. I'm not going to let anyone say that kinda shit to my friend." Then Tanya turned to me. "How the hell do you know this bitch, Ren?" I just ignored her.

"Ren?" Leah snorted "You have friends?"

"Damn straight she does. So back the fuck off." Tanya said getting right in her face.

Leah scoffed, "Or what Barbie?" she eyed Tanya up and down "Your going to accessorize me to death?" she rolled her obsidian irises.

"Lord knows you need it." Tanya smiled. This was so weird right now. I've never seen anyone, man or woman challenge Leah. Mostly people just ignored her snide comments or cowardly shy away from them. I have to admit Tanya had balls, metaphorically of course...

Leah's eyes blazed with fury and another emotion I didn't recognize. The foreign emotion fled just as quickly as it appeared.

"You know what, whatever..." Leah said turning away from Tanya to look at me. "Can I talk to you alone?" Tanya looked over at me worried, I nodded that it was okay. She however didn't look so sure. Tanya walked into a clothing store.

For a long time Leah didn't say anything, she just glared at me. As if she could see right through me.

"How the hell could you do that to him?" Leah spat

"What are you talking about? Me telling him the truth about our relationship?"

"The truth? That's what your calling it?" She scoffed

"It is the truth, Leah."

"Bullshit! That's a lie and you fucking know it. Are you honestly going to stand here and look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love him?"

"Of course I love him, just in a platonic way." I tried to force the lies out of my mouth hoping they would appease her.

"You're so intolerable, I don't know how Jacob can stand you. I hate liars. Lying is the absolute worst thing a person can do in a relationship. Do you know why Nessie?" I just stared at her, unable to move as my motor functions were down "Because that shows your partner that they can't trust you. It also shows your partner that you don't love and respect them enough to tell them the truth. Once that line of communication is broken down there is no relationship. And if there is, it's not a healthy one."_ How dare she say that to me, when she never wanted us together in the first place. _

That thought snapped me from my almost meditative state.

"I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say? Huh? That I love Jacob? Fine done, I love Jacob, and no, not in a platonic way. Are you happy now? Does that make you happy? That I'm still in love with him and I completely fucked up my chance with him? That's what you always wanted in the first place isn't?" I spat at her.

"You're missing the point, as usual. I never hated you, I just didn't trust you. Jacob never felt so strongly for a person before and I was scared. I didn't want you to hurt him even though I knew that you would. It was obvious to anyone that he loved you more than you loved him, but still everyone knew you adored him. Just like now, everyone knows you love him, accept for the person that really matters, Jacob. What I'm saying is that he loves you so much, even after all these years. And I think you actually do have a shot to be with him, one last chance." I looked into her honest obsidian eyes and for the first time I felt hopeful. "But you have to be quick about it."

"Okay, I'll tell him as soon as I can." I beamed much in a way that I assume Jesse does.

"Oh and Renesmee?" I turned to look at her "You break his heart again and I will not hesitate to kick your pale ass." I smiled and nodded, she returned the smile.

There was a large pine tree in the center of the mall. It was decorated with red and green ornaments and gold glittering lights. There was also this little house set up. And inside was a chair so red and large it would be most appropriately considered a throne. And on that throne sat a man with a fake white beard. The man was falsely pudgy wearing a creepy red velvet and white fur pantsuit. His "pure as snow" white gloves looked like they were perfect for giving spankings. And his shiny black boots? Well I called those the perfect ass kicking boots. That's what I thought of fatty old Saint Dick, I mean Nick.

That thought spurned on a memory.

I remember when I was a kid my mom tried to make me have my picture taken with Santa. I simply reasoned with both Santa and my mother that I did not wish to sit on the old man's lap. And do you know what he did? He forced me on his lap and told me I was being a "naughty girl". He said that I was going on the "naughty list" and I was getting nothing but coal for Christmas. I told him that he couldn't do that to which he replied that he could, because and I quote "he knew where I lived". _Thank you Captain Creeper_. Long story short I got mad and pulled on his fake beard telling everyone that Santa was fake and that I knew it. The kids all started crying and the parents glared at my mom. And guess what? I didn't get coal for Christmas. Daddy bought me a portable CD player.

As that hilariously retarded story went through my head I decided I'd just wait here for Tanya. After all the Forks mall only had one main entrance, and it was by the big pine tree.

I noticed that the Santa poser was on break. As he came out of the little house I saw what the man really looked like. The man was tall and lean but muscular. He had a golden completion that went along nicely with his honey colored hair. He also had the palest blue eyes I ever seen, they were almost sliver. In a word he was a perfect male specimen. Other than my Jacob, of course.

"Come on darlin' don't be that way." He drawled out with a very masculine southern accent. It took me a moment to realize who he was talking to.

Southern Santa was speaking to a female. She was very small, like 4'9 or something. She had ebony spiky hair. Her completion was as pale as the moon itself, accompanied with freckles and elfish features. Her eyes were a warm and unique amber. The woman was wearing a red dress that rivaled that of Tinkerbell's. She was also wearing red and green striped stocking and pointy shoes. Ahh, she was Santa's elf.

"No Jasper, you know how important this is to me, and yet you still don't care." Said the Elf

"I do care. It's just difficult for me."

"Jazz, this is more than a personal preference for me. It's a lifestyle choice that I want for me and anyone who's with me. If you can't respect that than maybe we shouldn't be together anymore." The Elf girl was saying to the Southern Santa also known as Jasper.

"Alice, you can't be serious." Santa Jasper said to the Elf Alice.

"You think I'm joking?" Alice asked shocked

"I think your being a bit melodramatic." Jasper stated calmly

"Just you watch me Jasper Whitlock, I'll find someone right here right now." She said furiously. Jasper however just chuckled. She walked away.

I looked around hoping to find Tanya. But I found something or rather someone else. His strong perfect cheekbones jutted out as he smiled showing his pearly whites. He was holding the cutest boy in the worlds hand. And like him he beamed showing the resemblance he has with his father. My heart fluttered in my chest as I saw the two men I loved most in my life.

All of a sudden the ebony haired Elf Alice flutters out of the little half house wearing a white and sliver snowflake dress, with the Southern Santa Jasper following. Suddenly she walks closer to Jacob and Jesse not stopping. It occurs to me that by the way she's walking, she's going to bump into them.

But she stops and walks over to Jacob. I can see her talking to him but I can't hear what they're saying. I watch in horror as the little elf girl tries to whispers something in Jacob's ear though she's much too short. He looks confused and disinterested and then his eyes roam and I watch as his eyes meet mine. A dozen of emotions flash across his eyes. Then he gets this gleam in his eye that I can only describe as evil. He nodes his head at Alice and smiles at me. I walk over to him quickly not being able to tolerate anything having to do with patience. Alice smiled and walked away.

"Hi Nessie." Jesse beamed hugging me like he always does. "I missed you so much. I wanted to go to school but daddy said he wanted me to take some time off." he finished sadly. I fought the urge to glare at Jacob.

"I missed you too, Jesse So are you here to take a picture with Santa?" _God, please say no._

"No. I already knows he's not real." _Looks like he inherited more from me than I thought._

"So your just in it for the presents, huh?" I joked

"Yup." he cheered happily. I looked over at Jacob.

"Hey Ness." Jacob smiled at me brilliantly, still with the gleam in his eye.

"Hey, there's something I want to tell you." I breathed out tenderly. I didn't really want to tell him here. But if I had to I would.

"Me first. Listen I'm really sorry about last week. It was really unfair to spring all of that on to you. You know, all that stuff about my feelings, well none of that matters anyway. It was really stupid of me to avoid you too. I don't know why, I let emotional shit interfere with my life anyway. So I'm taking your advice, I'm moving on. In fact I have a date this Wednesday. And I was wondering if you'd like to babysit Jesse?" He smiled bitterly.

He was possibly the only person who could apologize and make you feel worse about yourself. And on top of all of that I was about to _"grow a pair and tell him"_ and he tells me he's moving on. Why the hell is this my life?

"Oh? A date? With who?" I asked nervously. I looked at Jesse to see what he thought of all of this. Usually he only wanted me to be with his dad. But when I looked over I saw his face pressed against the glass of a window to a toy store.

"Alice Brandon." He stated "That elf right there." he pointed to Santa's Elf, as my worst fears were confirmed.

"Oh? You just thought you'd ask the weird elf girl while she was working?" I mocked. Secretly dying on the inside.

"Will you babysit or not?" He asked in a tone that said he was getting impatient. "I mean you did say that should I get a date, you would babysit." Damn, did I really say that? Last week I was hoping it was just an alcohol induced nightmare. But alas, it happened and I knew, dream or reality it would come back to bite me in the ass somehow.

"Okay sure. What time do you want me to come over?" I asked putting on my signature best fake smile.

I wanted nothing more then to tell him I loved him. I wanted nothing more then to tell him that I needed him. That, I didn't want to live without him. But I couldn't. After all the times I've rejected him it wouldn't be fair to try to get what I want now. Not again. What if moving on really makes him happier? Who am I to take away his happiness yet again just because I'm selfish?

"Seven." he replied curtly. Then he ushered Jesse along and walked away. I faintly remember Jesse waving goodbye to me. But I was too deep in shock to see it.

Holy shit, Jacob is going out with an elf all because of her stupid boyfriend and her's fight. Now she's using my Jacob just cause her boyfriend won't comply with whatever it is... Damn it all to hell.

I heard the clicking of heels as I saw the familiar face of the strawberry blonde.

"Ren, what's wrong?" She asked concerned.

"I'm going to kill an elf and it's all Santa's fault." I mumbled.

Tanya smiled, "That's the holiday spirit!"

* * *

**Jacob's P.O.V will be next chapter, in which he's on his _"date"._**

**Please Review!**


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